Updated: Jul 05 2024

Your best friend is truly one-of-a-kind, and you love her like a sister. When shopping for her, don’t settle for ordinary gifts like picture frames or greeting cards. You need something as unique and amazing as your BFF, and this list has you covered. Opt for thoughtful, sentimental gifts like matching friendship bracelets or beautiful artwork, or give her a good laugh with something outrageous like a giant face lollipop. Whether it’s for her birthday, a new job, a breakup, or any other event, these gift ideas will show your bestie just how fabulous she is

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I Wrote A Book About You

Thoughtful + low-effort = the perfect gift. This fill-in-the-blank book is filled with quirky illustrations and sweet prompts to help you tell your BFF how much they mean to you.

$10.99

Personalized Bestie Wood Canvas

This personalized canvas is a little bit extra, but so is your BFF. That’s why you love her! Send in a photo and this artist will create an illustration on a wood texture background. Send it to her inbox as a download or have it printed as a canvas.

$23.30

F**k This S**tshow Gratitude Journal

This gratitude journal “for tired-a** women” is made by ladies who know that a few F-bombs here and there is the key to a happy life. Each page includes a prompt or activity to help your BFF find her inner peace in the most R-rated way.

$12.95

Personalized Historical Portrait Paintings

How many days a week do you call her a queen? Now she can be one! Or a princess! With this cool personalized historical portrait, your BFF’s face will be painted into a replica of a work of art from a museum. There are dozens of style options to choose from and lots of sizes as well.

$56.00

Why You’re My Bestie Fill In Book

The instructions on this book pretty much say it all: Wash and dry hands. Think of your bestie. Fill in blanks. Remove plastic sleeve. Give book to bestie. Offer tissues.

$9.99

100 Things To Do Bucket List Scratch Off Poster

This scratch off poster is basically a BFF Bucket List. It lists 100 activities, from singing karaoke to skydiving, that you and your friend will have a blast accomplishing together.

$27.41

I’d Shank A Bitch For You Candle

The perfect candle for your ride or die. This cheeky friendship candle comes in tons of amazing scents and will help your best girl relax knowing you’ve got her back.

$19.00

Manifest Water Bottle

Water is essential to any wellness journey. This beautifully designed water bottle will help you reach your goals, motivate you, and of course keep you hydrated, most importantly!

$25.00

BFF Personalized Watercolor Painting

This totally customizable watercolor painting of you and your BFF is sentimental AND adorable. Choose your hair, your outfits, and even your drinks for a gift that’s totally your own. And, it’s also available in a greeting card format.

$6.99

Adult Merit Badges

How many times have you two texted each other about how much adulting sucks? Like, no one wants to fold the pile of laundry that’s been sitting on a chair forever. But when you do, pump each other up with one of these Adulting Merit Badges. The hit of dopamine you’ll get from the cute scout-inspired piece is priceless.

$15.00

The Bug Vacuum

The Bug Vacuum is probably the greatest invention ever – it’ll suck up all the little critters in your bestie’s house without her ever having to lay a finger on them. Then, she can release them back into the wild. Or mercilessly squash them with a shoe. Up to her.

$21.95

Exfoliating Butt Masks

Butt masks are the new face masks. You heard it here first. A gift that only a best friend could give, these plant-based masks are designed to hydrate, tone, and exfoliate, a.k.a. give you the best butt ever.

$9.99

Your Actual Handwriting Bracelet

This gift for your best friend is truly one of a kind. Send in a photo of a message in your handwriting and have it turned into an adorable bracelet! You can make this sweet and sentimental, or you can send in your favorite inside joke to give your BFF a good laugh.

$37.00

Rechargeable 3D Moon Lamp

Your best friend is the moon to your stars! This amazing moon lamp will make for the coolest nightlight or decorative item in your bestie’s home. Made with a 3D printer, the lamp actually has the look and feel of the moon’s topography.

$15.99

Best F’ing Friend Ever Candle

Tell your best friend she lights up your world in the most R-rated fashion. She’ll love burning this snarky candle, available in ten unique and delicious scents, and thinking of you.

$15.00

Period Panties Underwear

Why are those ladies on the tampon commercials always so happy? Nobody knows. Give your bestie a gift that shows how they REALLY feel about their period with these hilariously aggressive underwear.

$16.99

Letters for a Year of Gratitude

Long-distance friendships are hard. Make sure your bestie knows how much you love them with a whole year’s worth of pre-written letters! This little book makes it easy to jot down kind thoughts to make your friend smile even from far away.

$13.96

Personalized Face Socks

No matter where your BFF’s adventures take her, she’ll never forget how much you love her with these personalized face socks! Send in a pic of you, or you and your bestie, for a gift that will literally rock her socks off.

$23.00

Zen As F**K Journal

This cheeky book is a guide to “the mindful art of not giving a sh*t.” The Zen as F**k journal is filled with beautiful illustrations and cheeky exercises to bring a little bit of zen and a whole lot of profanity into your BFF’s life.

$9.69

The Comfy Oversized Blanket/Sweatshirt

Two of your bestie’s favorite things, fashion and comfort, come together in this amazing wearable blanket. Choose from fun colors and patterns like baby pink or leopard print for the ultimate cozy gift.

$49.99

I Hate Everybody But You Candle

A candle with a message that smells as good as it reads! The “I Hate Everybody But You” candle comes in 3 sizes and over a dozen different scents to choose from!

$14.99

Hanging Air Planter Terrarium

This beautiful terrarium will bring a piece of the great outdoors into your BFF’s home. Made with real pressed wildflowers, they can hang this on a window or wall to feel like they’re inside their own little secret garden.

$49.50

Personalized Face Magnets

If you find yourself drawn to your friend’s magnetic personality, these face magnets are the gift for you. Send in a picture of you or your BFF’s face to get a custom illustrated magnet that will bring some big-time happy to their fridge.

$30.00

Heated Lazy Susan Taco Topping Bar

Party down on Taco Tuesday with a lazy Susan that’ll keep the good times going all night long. It’s got a heated center compartment for your beans or meat, six smaller unheated compartments for toppings like lettuce and cheese, and four taco holders for the friends you invite over.

$27.99

Personal Smoothie Maker

A gal on the go will have no trouble whipping up a smoothie and taking it with her using this personal vessel. In just 40 seconds her drink will be ready, and thanks to its built-in strainer, she’ll never get pulp in her teeth. It’s battery-powered and rechargeable and makes about 8-12 smoothies before needing more power.

$16.99

Tiny Gold Heart Bracelet

Best friend bracelets are back! These gold hearts will serve as tiny reminders of your most special friendship. Choose from more than 10 trendy string colors to create a piece of jewelry that you and your bestie will want to wear every day.

$13.00

Weighted Cooling Blanket For Better Sleep

Sometimes nothing relieves stress and anxiety like a good hug. But since you’re not always around to hug your bestie, a weighted blanket is basically the next best thing. Choose from beautiful colors and different weights to help them float off to dreamland in peace.

$29.99

My Friendship Is Like A Candle

The ideal gift for a Stage 5 Clinger. Despite its aggressive message, this hand-poured soy candle comes in lots of calming scents like Summer Rain and Lotus Blossom, so your friend can relax while thinking of you. And no one BUT you.

$12.00

Handmade Friendship Bow Bracelet

This handmade bracelet is shaped like a tiny bow and comes with a sweet poem that’s sure to make your friend smile. Available in silver, gold, or rose gold, your BFF can add this to her daily stack for a piece of sentimental style.

$30.00

Besties Customizable Coffee Mug

This mug is sweet, but it’s also bad*ss. The front displays a thoughtful message, letting your BFF know they’re never alone, and the back has a custom illustration of the two of you in matching leather jackets. Best gift ever!

$13.99

My Favorite Bitch To Bitch About Bitches With

No matter what initially brought you together, juicy gossip is what kept your bond stronger than ever. Celebrate it, with this cheeky wine glass that you can customize and personalize.

$9.90

Erin Condren 12-Month Calendar Planner

Erin Condren is pretty much the Queen Bee of planners. Your Type A BFF will be thrilled with this 12-month version that will help them keep track of their to-dos with beautiful artwork, fun stickers, and lots of space to write.

$24.80

Exfoliating Foot Peel

Just because you love your best friend doesn’t mean she doesn’t have nasty feet. This exfoliating foot peel brings the pedicure to her home and will help her remove all that dead skin in the most satisfying fashion.

$25.00

Fast Food Friendship Shirt

Just like burgers and fries, you and your BFF are better together. These adorable graphic tees come in more than 20 cool colors and will let everyone know that you and your bestie are totally obsessed with each other.

$19.99

Aromatherapy Bath Bombs

Self care is the best care! Help your BFF treat herself with these all-natural aromatherapy bath bombs. They come in a set of 12 and have delicious scents like lavender + citrus and fresh eucalyptus.

$21.00

Fruit Infuser Water Bottle

Water is a girl’s best friend. Especially when it’s fruit-infused. This 32 ounce infuser bottle will keep your best friend hydrated through all of your crazy adventures, or even just a long day at the office.

$16.99

Zero Waste Solid Hair Rocks

Show your bestie you care for her as much as she cares for the Earth with a shampoo set that totally rocks. These stones look freshly plucked from the river, but they’re actually tiny pieces of eco-friendly soap. They’re handmade, vegan, 100% plastic free, and sustainable. It’s a green girly’s dream come true.

$26.00

Eucalyptus Shower Bunch

Finding a moment of zen is as easy as taking a shower when this luscious piece of greenery is waiting for her in the bathroom. The eucalyptus bunch releases its rejuvenating aroma as soon as steam heats up its leaves, filling her bathroom with a tantalizingly relaxing aroma.

$12.99

Name Earrings

Bring back some 2000s style! These personalized name earrings make a subtle statement piece that your BFF will rock. Choose from tons of beautiful cursive fonts and three finishes to create a look that’s all her own.

$26.50

Scratch Off World Map Travel Poster

Best friends who travel the world together, stay together! This scratch-off map poster will inspire you and your BFF to take all kinds of adventures and visit anywhere from Pittsburg to Paris.

$24.97

Vassoul Blackhead Remover Mask

Be honest: there’s nothing more satisfying than removing your blackheads. This black suction mask will provide your bestie with hours worth of entertainment and self-care as she watches her pores clear out.

$16.00

Hammered Gold Skinny Stacking Ring

For some best friend jewelry that’s subtle and classy, check out these gold stacking rings. You and your BFF can show off your matching style with one dainty ring or a whole thick stack.

$15.00

Short Sleeve Pajamas Set

Nothing beats a sleepover with your BFF. Except for a sleepover with adorable matching PJs! This button-up set comes in more than 30 colors and patterns to take you and your bestie back to the good old days of pillow fights and scary movies.

$31.99

I Tolerate You Card

There are days you wake up and see her dumb face and wish that you’d never met her and that feeling is likely mutual for her sometimes, too. Make a joke of it with this hilarious handmade card, which make a great peace offering when PMS gets the best of both of you.

$7.49

LED Light Selfie Phone Case

Finally, a phone case that’s just as dramatic as your best friend. Perfect for the Selfie Queen in your life, the LuMee has front and back lighting that’s designed to help you take the perfect shot in any lighting.

$16.01

Bamboo Bathtub Caddy Tray

If your bestie is more likely to be found in the bathtub than out on the town, this bath caddy is the gift she needs. It’s like a self-care starter kit, since it will hold a glass of wine, a book or table, and a candle all at the same time.

$62.66

Glass Terrarium Planter

Your plant lady friend will love keeping her succulents and cacti safe in this modern glass planter. And, if your friend loves interior design but doesn’t have much of a green thumb, they can also fill this with artificial plants.

$45.00

Matching Avocado BFF Necklaces

This gift will guac your best friend’s world! These avocado friendship necklaces celebrate friendship in the cutest fashion. The avocado pit is even shaped like a heart.

$22.95

24K Gold Foil Facial Sheet Masks

Your bestie is a queen. And she deserves to be treated like one! These gold foil sheets make for a luxurious face mask that totes benefits like increased elasticity, dark spot reduction, and a beautiful glow.

$5.29

Best Friends Pizza Keychains

Give your best friend a pizza your heart! These tiny BFF pizzas are available as necklaces or keychains, and the best part is that you can customize them to include you and your friend’s favorite toppings.

$19.99

Yoga Essentials 6-Piece Set

For the girl who’d rather spend her Friday night meditating instead of out at the club, this yoga kit will make the perfect gift. Great for seasoned yogis or total beginners, it includes a yoga mat, two foam blocks, two towels, and a yoga strap. Happy stretching!

$39.99

Hair Catcher Tub Drain

Listen, this hair catcher for your shower drain sounds like a gross gift (and it kind of is), but it’ll seriously help your long-haired BFF keep their drain clear and their tub clean. And what could be more special than that?

$12.99

Gemma Plush Slippers

These aren’t your average fuzzy slippers. They’re actually made by an orthopedic brand, meaning they’re pretty much the comfiest thing your bestie will ever put on her foot. These will bring some serious luxury to your next girls’ night in.

$88.51

BFF 2 Piece LEGO Hearts

Two halves of LEGO bricks combine for this classic heart shape. It’s the perfect affordable gift idea for your BFF who loves LEGOs and simple jewelry.

$8.00

Velvet Ultra Soft Hair Scrunchies

The 90s are back and velvet scrunchies are in. This 10 pack of vintage colors makes for a great matching hair accessory for you and your best friend to rock together.

$8.99

Gold BFF Bracelets

Honor the other half of your heart, a.k.a. your long-distance bestie, with these old school friendship bracelets. The easy bangle style means you can dress it up or dress it down so that your reminder of your favorite friend will be with you always.

$40.33

Dead Sea Mud Mask

What could be a better gift for your best friend than the gift of beautiful skin? This all-natural mud mask looks silly, but it totes amazing benefits like acne reduction, gentle exfoliation, and oil absorption.

$14.36

Vitruvi Ceramic Essential Oil Diffuser

If your friend hasn’t jumped on the essential oils trend, it’s time to help her catch up. This ceramic diffuser has a sleek design that will look beautiful on display and will provide up to 7.5 hours of diffusing bliss.

$119.00

Collapsible Phone Grip Stand

PopSockets are basically like opposable thumbs for your phone. So if your best friend isn’t exactly graceful and has been known to constantly drop their phone, this is the gift for you. This gemstone-style version also makes for a cool, modern accessory.

$40.82

Updated: Jul 10 2024.

We’ve checked our list twice, and since he’s been nice (and a little naughty), your boyfriend deserves one of these wonderfully festive Christmas gifts. Whether you’re helping Santa with some stocking stuffers for a guy who loves funny gifts, or you’re doing some last-minute shopping (who shops early anyway?), you’ll find it all here. This list is packed with funny, practical items he’ll actually use, and heartfelt treats that will make him smile and want to kiss you under the mistletoe. Your boyfriend is already the envy of his friends with a girlfriend like you—make this Christmas even merrier for both of you with one of these incredible gifts!

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Nutcracker Trio Gift Tins

What nuts? Deez nut(Crackers) will make a fantastically festive stocking stuffer for your BF this holiday season. Each member of the colorful trio contains several levels of traits ranging from dried fruit to chocolate-covered cookies to flavored popcorn.

$54.99

Wireless Charging Nightlight

Your BF may say he’s not afraid of the dark but you know the truth. He needs all 4 light levels that this nightlight has to offer to protect him from the monsters. The phone cradle also charges his phone wirelessly and is Bluetooth enabled to play music or white noise as he slumbers.

$69.99

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Merry Christmas My Love Photo Box

Your BF’s heart will be warmer than a cup of hot cocoa after he opens this adorably festive box. It’ll be the coolest photo album he owns. When he opens the box he’ll be treated to a dozen photo memories of your relationship, peppy phrases, and sweet illustrations that’ll make him smile.

$39.80

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NFL Team Foam Slides

Your man’s Sunday best (re: his “lucky jersey” and sweat pants) are about to get the infusion of high fashion they’re looking for with these NFL Team Foam Slides. The footbed is memory foam and will make his feet feel happy. And, they’re anti-skid so when he hops up from the couch to cheer he won’t go flying.

$23.69

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Exotic Meat Jerky Sticks

Santa’s reindeer need not be afraid, no reindeer were harmed in the creation of these delicious exotic jerky sticks. The stocking stuffer-worthy set instead contains 10 gamey delights, like an alligator, elk, buffalo, kangaroo, and more.

$19.99

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I Don’t Know Margo Ugly Sweater

There are at least a hundred incredible, LOL-worthy lines in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation but for a couple, this stands as one of the best. You’ll finally have an excuse to ask him why the carpet is wet.

$58.90

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The Universal Socket Grip

Mr. Fix-It doesn’t need his dad’s whole toolset to fix things around the house, all he needs is this socket grip. With spring-loaded steel rods, it can grip any nut or bolt 1/4″-3/4″ in size, even nuts, and bolts that are stripped! It comes with a drill attachment, too, to make quick work of tough jobs.

$3.99

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Giant Personalized Face Pillows

He’s got a face for radio but that doesn’t matter to Mushions, these giant personalized face pillows are meant to be funny. The oversized heads measure almost a foot and a half in height and uber-soft, giving him the perfect place to take a nap.

$25.99

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Personalized Face Socks

When he looks to his feet instead of seeing his hairy toes he’ll see his hairy face when he’s wearing these face socks. Pick his best selfie and that’s the one that’ll cover almost every inch of the hilarious, breathable socks.

$26.99

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Cameo Personalized Celebrity Message

Imagine his surprise when he wakes up on Christmas morning and there’s a video message waiting on his phone from one of his favorite celebrities. Not even Santa can deliver a gift that cool, but Cameo can. You’ll have your choice between thousands of artist, athletes, actors, influencers, and more.

$10.00

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Personalized Noble Painting

The lords a’leaping ain’t got nothing on your man, rendered as a noble from this creative service. The portraits are handpainted and styled after famous paintings that you might see in a museum. The quality is unrivaled and his man cave isn’t complete without one of these portraits on the wall.

$99.95

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Jingle My Bells Funny Custom Underwear

When he needs a little reminder of the gal who wants to play around with this twig and holly berries, your BF doesn’t need to look any further than this pair of underwear. The boxer briefs are surprisingly comfy and should be his first choice of wear for any holiday party.

$9.02

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Personalized Gamer Valet Station

Give his most treasured possessions a place of high honor in his home with a personalized gamer valet station. The wood dock holds two controllers, his gamer headphones, and other tiny accessories with ease. Choose from several wood colors to best fit his decor.

$111.90

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Mini Gin Infusion Kit

With this mini infusion kit, he’ll feel like the craft bartender he’s always dreamed of being when he’s making shot-sized flavored spirits. The kit includes 4 kinds of citrus slices and four botanicals he can mix and match to make a tantalizingly fascinating infused spirit.

$99.00

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Black Lava Salt and Whiskey Pepper

Gents with culinary inclinations will delight in making chicken, steak, fish, and more with black lava salt and whiskey pepper. The fascinating infused spices give an earthy depth of flavor to his food that he’s never experienced before. In addition to using it as a rub, he can sprinkle them on all kinds of dishes.

$12.99

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Love My Meat Barbecue Apron

Your man is gonna love to meet the Love My Meat barbecue apron. The heavy-duty apron was constructed with care to cater to every grillmaster’s need. The pockets are labeled so he never has to worry about trying to flavor meet with his phone or trying to drink the pepper. What a bonus!

$38.99

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Custom Face Family Christmas Pajamas

Your family Christmas card will never be the same after you both get a pair of matching custom face family PJ pants. The LOL-funny pants are available in several festive styles and will be just the item that’ll get all the aunts and his mother talking about how creative you are to give him such a gift.

$14.99

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Fresh Baked Mini Cookie Gift Set

Warn your BF that he better eat this before Santa comes a’flying down the chimney or else he’s gonna be out of some delicious treats. There are 54(!) cookies in the tin, an even mix of Chocolate Chip, Chocolate and White Chocolate Chip and Red Velvet Cookies that’ll make his mouth water.

$39.95

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Holiday Survival Kit in a Can

You know how holiday parties with the family can be, they’re…an experience. Thankfully, this kit will save you from all manner of ails. The little kit in a can covers all the bases with instant coffee, a nip of alcohol, breath strips, and immune-boosting Vitamin C.

$8.00

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Rick And Morty Screaming Sun Alarm Clock

He’ll wake up before the sun to race downstairs and see what Santa brought him when he’s got Rick screaming at him to get his ass outta bed. This hilarious alarm clock is a screaming dream come true for any fan of the series.

$59.99

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Toilet T-Rex Attack Ugly Christmas Sweater

Who knew the iconic scene in Jurassic Park would make such a hilariously merry Christmas sweater? If there’s a contest for the ugliest sweater at the party, your man is certain to win it by wearing this ridiculous sweater.

$29.99

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Chill-O-Matic Automatic Drink Chiller

When he needs a beer likerightnow the Chill-o-Matic has got his back. A warm can is no match for the easy-to-use device, which will make it as cold as the North Pole in a matter of seconds.

$25.00

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Light Up Christmas Suit

When your man shows up to the work holiday party or the family Christmas affair in this fit, everyone will know he’s got the drip (even Nana who doesn’t know what that means). The suit lights up to make it extra festive and comes with a tie to match.

$79.99

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Personalized Bobblehead Figurine

His sports memorabilia collection can’t be considered complete until he’s a part of it, he was on the best T-ball team in the league after all. This bobblehead is a perfect trophy of his achievement and stands at almost 10″ tall. Each is carefully handmade to make sure no detail is missing.

$69.00

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Personalized Beer Stein

When he’s raising a glass with the boys to ring in the new year, he’ll be doing it in style with this beer stein. The hefty frosted mug is printed with your choice of picture of him and a fun “hands-off” message featuring his name.

$10.99

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I Wrote A Book About You

Write him a story straight from your heart with a little help from I Wrote a Book About You. The simple but sentimental book is loaded with prompts and places for you to doodle a little ditty that’ll touch his heart.

$10.99

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101 Reasons Why You’re Great Scrollbox

There’s no better time than the holidays to give your man a gift that’ll warm his heart. This scroll box is filled with a long enough reel of paper that you can write 101 whole reasons why your BF is awesome. You’ll catch him scrolling on it more than he scrolls on Insta.

$16.99

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Major League Ballparks Scratch-Off Poster

When the summertime rolls around and you’re looking for something to do, he’ll be asking you to tag along on baseball adventures so he can complete this poster. The scratch-off piece is peppered with every MLB stadium, ripe for being revealed, and measures 16″x20″.

$25.00

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Pappy Van Winkle Bourbon

Visions of sugarplum fairies will definitely be dancing in his head after he has a glass of Pappy Van Winkle’s Bourbon. Every blend is aged at least 10 years (some up to 25) and has a taste smoother and smokier than any other he’s had.

$250.00

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The Peppermint Pig

Have a little holiday fun with the Peppermint Pig. It’s a tradition that dates back to the 1880s and the card included will teach you all about that. What’s most important is that getting the Peppermint Pig for your BF means he gets to break things and then eat candy.

$25.95

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Scratch-Off American Foods Map

With this map on the wall your man will actually want to take a vacation to Iowa. The American Foods Map showcases the best grub that each of the 50 states has to offer. His goal, scratch-off everything there is to eat. The piece is a true work of art, too, and measures 16×20.

$32.95

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100 Must See Movies Scratch Off Poster

Consider your next 100 movie date nights taken care of thanks to this poster. The combination art piece/goal checklist has 100 tiny movie icons, ranging from contemporary flicks to iconic classic pictures, that your cinephile BF will be itching to scratch off.

$26.99

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Ultimate Breakfast Sandwich Machine

He’ll never be late for work again when he can wake and bake his breakfast sandwich with one simple machine. Its non-stick plates are easy to clean (read: he might do his own dishes) and he only needs to press one button to get it to start cooking.

$29.99

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Flaviar Whiskey Club Subscription

He’s a man with distinguished tastes and you can cater to them every quarter with Flaviar. There are several levels of the whiskey club subscription, which will deliver three tasting-sized vials or a full fifth of premium, top-shelf, or craft whiskey to his door. Plus, he’ll have access to a tasting club where he can learn about his spirits.

$21.00

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Weighted Cooling Blanket

He’ll get the best sleep he’s ever had after the two of you go heels to Jesus and he rolls curls up under this weighted blanket. The added weight will help reduce stress at bedtime and make him fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer.

$79.99

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Acupressure Foot Massage Slippers

He can give himself his own foot massage with every step he takes in these weird-looking slides. They harness the power of trigger points and acupressure to knead away aches and pains and relieve pain over his entire body, not just his feet.

$26.99

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Two Player Mini Arcade Game

Give him a gaming console this year, but maybe not the one he’s expecting. The latest high-tech consoles have got nothing on the fun times he’ll have with this mini arcade game, which contains 300 8-bit games for him to enjoy.

$32.99

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Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set

Let’s be honest, there’s only so long that your poor hands can knead the knots in your man’s back, neck, and shoulders. Catch a break with this acupressure mat. Encourage him to take a nap on it and let the tiny nubs massage his muscles and soft tissue, when he wakes up he’ll feel like a new man.

$29.62

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Corkcicle Whiskey Wedge Glass

Even his dad will be impressed by this totally awesome whiskey glass. It’s the classic rocks glass size with an insert that creates a triangular piece of ice that fills half the glass. Its large surface area ensures it chills whiskey without watering it down.

$17.00

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The Ultimate Beard Grooming Kit

There’s no reason your man’s beard can’t look as silky smooth and well-kept as Santa’s. With the balms, salves, and moisturizers in this ultimate beard grooming kit, his facial tresses will be at their best. A comb, brush, and scissors are included, too, so he can tame his coif as he sees fit.

$33.99

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Smart Light Bars for Immersive Gaming

When you need a few hours out with the girls, your man won’t even notice you’re gone because these light bars will draw him into his PC game that much. The LED bars respond to the game he’s playing to change the light color to match, giving him a truly immersive experience.

$29.99

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Men’s Holiday Socks

You can’t go wrong with a pair of socks! This classic gift has a little bit of holiday flair and if he’s over the age of 25 will be a welcome addition to your man’s stocking stuffer haul, you can never have too many!

$4.99

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Beard Apron Sink Protector

True facts: Santa has this beard apron and it saved his marriage to Mrs. Claus. She hasn’t had to clean his trimmed beard hair out of the sink since they got it. All it took was a lightweight cloth and two suction cups to stop all the fighting about cleaning up.

$9.95

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Marshmallow Filled Hot Cocoa Bombs

Enjoy a night in with a couple of mugs of delicious cocoa made with actual chocolate. Hot cocoa bombs dissolved as soon as they hit the hot milk in the mug and make a creamy, dreamy, unforgettably awesome drink.

$15.99

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Why I MUST Have Sex With You Checklist

Give him the gift of orgasms the whole year round with the Why I MUST Have Sex With You Checklist. The pad is filled with 60 pages that list over 100 hilarious, sexy, and totally ridiculous reasons for him to check that indicate he wants to take a sleigh ride to Pound Town.

$14.90

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Personalized Comic Book

Make him the hero of his own story with a personalized comic book starring none other than him as his favorite superhero. This comic book is available as a cover only or in up to 8 pages of illustrated awesomeness.

$35.00

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Sausage and Cheese Guillotine

Let them eat charcuterie and eat the rich (sausage and cheese you’ll slice with this hilarious guillotine). The uber-sharp slicer makes quick work of all foods, French or not, and is easy and safe to handle.

$37.95

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Your Face On His Crotch Underwear

Give your man’s jingle bells a litlte snuggle this holiday season without ever requiring him to take off his boxers. He can wear these with pride under his clothes and feel a little closer. The boxer briefs are breathable and comfy, and since they’ll have your face on them, are good luck.

$19.99

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ThisWorx Portable Car Vacuum

Normally a vacuum is a pretty sh*tty gift but when you’re a dude that cares more about the interior of your car than just about anything else, it’s amazing. ThisWorx is aptly named because it’ll suck the f*ck out of dirt, dust, and French fries stuck in the smallest places in his car.

$34.90

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Personalized Couple’s Portrait

He doesn’t need a prom-style 8×10 like your mom has on her mantle, he needs a pic of the two of you that he can be proud to show his buddies. This charming personalized couple’s print animates the two of you in an adorable way. It arrives digitally and scales to any size.

$79.00

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Wreck Room Experience

Encourage your BF to get totally wrecked here, he won’t have a hangover the next day. Instead, he’ll feel like the strongest, most badass, most chill (it’s incredible stress-relieving) man alive. At the Wreck Room, he and a buddy can beat the ever-loving f*ck out of old office appliances with blunt objects.

$55.00

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Light Me When You Want A BJ

Don’t give this candle to your man when his mother’s around, chances are he’ll find a lighter and spark it up right away. The hilariously NSFW scented candle is available in a dozen aromas that’ll set the mood for a wild night.

$6.50

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Kanye Tweet Funny Coffee Mug

You love your BF like Kanye loves Kanye and to celebrate that affection, there’s no better vessel than this funny mug. It’s printed with one of the artist’s profoundly confusing but somehow inspiring Tweets.

$19.57

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GloBoards Light Up Wall Decor

You’ll be the coolest GF in the world when you’re the reason his game room looks like something straight out of his teenage dreams. With GloBoards, it’s possible. The boards measure 3 feet in height and area available in white, black, or gray and are equipped with LED lights that emit his choice of color.

$50.00

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Biltong Beef Jerky Slab

If he never comes home from the gas station without a bag of jerky, he hasn’t lived ’til he’s tried biltong. The South African jerky is next level. It’s 100% air-dried beef, packed with protein, full of flavor, and the only jerky he’ll ever want to eat again.

$17.77

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The Book Of Unusual Knowledge

Your guy wants to be the smartest guy in the room and he will be after reading The Book of Unusual Knowledge. It’s so good that he’ll bring it into the bathroom with him instead of his phone and packed with thousands of facts that are kinda useless…unless he wants to be a bar trivia champ.

$9.99

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Beer Cap Magnetic Tree

Bonsai tree? Please, more like beer-sai tree! Your man will certainly do a great job at “growing” this one-of-a-kind “plant.” the trunk of the tree has a magnet at the end to hold over two dozen caps from his suds.

$25.99

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Cocktail Smoking Chimney

Santa won’t be coming down this chimney, but he’ll certainly be stopping by the house of the dude that’s got it as part of his home bar. The piece is available in oak or cherry and when lit, smokes the cocktail below, infusing it with a mellow taste.

$39.99

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How To Live With A Huge Penis

Your poor BF, hauling that massive schlong around all day, what a bummer. Sufferers of OMG (Oversized Male Genitalia) won’t be able to put this page-turner down. It’s got all the advice and assistance he needs to deal with astounding length, girth, (and ego).

$11.69

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Magnetic Wristband for Tools

When it’s time to hang lights on the outside of the house to avoid hanging out with your parents, your man need only strap on this magnetic wristband. The band is equipped with a super-strong magnet that can hold oodles of fasteners, drill bits, and a small wrench or two.

$9.99

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DIY Whiskey Making Kit

Santa’s coming to your house first for one of the drinks your man mixes with whiskey that he infused himself! This kit has a dozen herbs and botanicals he’ll soak in the whiskey to imbue it with a unique blend of flavors and a set of stones to cool it down when it’s time to drink.

$64.90

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Engraved Metal Wallet Insert

Has anyone under the age of 30 ever printed a paper picture to put in a wallet? Don’t start now, give him a picture that’s manlier and will last longer. This one is engraved in aluminum and makes a great stocking stuffer.

$20.00

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Acrylic Humidor Jar with Humidifier and Hygrometer

When he wants to celebrate with a smoke his cigars will be ready to go thanks to this humidor. The jar doesn’t take up much space but holds almost a dozen cigars. The hygrometer is built-in to make it easier to keep an eye on the humidity.

$18.98

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Custom Decision Dinner Dice

He doesn’t care what you have for dinner and you don’t know what to have for dinner so save yourself an hour and let the universe decide. This custom-decision dinner die can be tailored to the food available in your area.

$14.00

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Personalized Music Plaque

This picture plaque is so cool and cute that he’ll actually keep it up for his buddies to see. Plus, it’s interactive, when he scans the QR code with his phone, the song of your choice will play. Make it “your” song or make it something fun like “I Just Had Sex” by Lonely Island. Either way, the

$22.00

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Sexy Little Coupon Book

Have yourself a merry little Christmas by jingling each other’s bells and having some fun with the Sexy Little Coupon Book. There are 27 cards in the book, almost a full month’s worth of activities to try at the most wonderful time of the year.

$9.99

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Vanilla and Tobacco Whippd Body Wash

Put away the motor oil, lads, it’s time to get clean with something your GF will actually like. This whipped body wash will make your skin touchably soft and smells like all those characters in romance novels that your GF secretly has a crush on.

$7.50

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Personalized Whiskey Decanter Set

Every man needs a home bar set up and you can get his started with this five-piece set. In addition to a whiskey decanter, he’ll get four glasses and a snazzy box to keep it in. Add an engraved design and his name to make it special.

$69.95

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Personalized Catch All Tray

How many times a week does he ask you where his keys are? Well, after you give him this personalized catch-all tray, he’ll never ask again. Finally, he’ll have a place to keep his wallet, keys, phone, watch, and other accessories. It’s available in several luxurious finishes.

$32.22

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Personalized Leather Keyring

That tired keychain that your guy got at the college bookstore a decade ago needs to go, this leather key ring is the updated version he needs. Available in several rich colors, the engraved keychain will last for years and hold as many keys as he needs it to.

$9.98

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Personalized Leather Steno Pad Cover

When your man’s on the move he can record his every thought, idea, and dream in a Steno pad wrapped in a gorgeous leather cover. The padfolio has a distinguished look and is available in several colors. It’s got a place for his pen and his business card and a larger folder pocket for postcard-sized material.

$147.98

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DIY BBQ Sauce Kit

Help the grill master take his game to the next level with a kit packed with stuff he can use to make his own barbecue sauce. He’s got everything, even the vinegar, he needs to make sweet, smoky, spicy, savory delights that taste good on chicken, fish, beef, and even, dare we say, veggies.

$47.95

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Whiskey Ice Blocks

These are unlike any whiskey stones he’s received before, they infused his beverage with chill and more flavor. Just give them a soak in water and let them freeze before dropping in the drink. They’re made from upcycled Irish whiskey bottles and add a layer of bonus smokiness.

$12.00

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Hot Stuff in a Matchbox Chili Powder

Got your hottie a little pack of powdered pepper as spicy as he is with Hot Stuff in a Box. Ideal as a stocking stuffer, the chili powders in this matchbox-sized package of goodies will make his face redder than Rudolph’s nose and having him dashing back for more.

$11.95

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Luxury Mini Chess Set

Your guy’s kind of a nerd and you can help him lean into it with a chess set that has a production value higher than the Queen’s Gambit. The set is perfect for traveling, with a drawer that pulls out to reveal small pieces cradled in soft fabric and a lovely glossy finish.

$34.95

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Personalized Photo Painting

Glossy 8x10s in a frame from the big box store are SOOOOO out of touch with today’s cool couples. Give your man a portrait of the two of you with a sweet 3D spin with this personalized photo painting. A favorite pic of the two of you is rendered cartoon-style on acrylic, he’ll show off this photo forever.

$25.00

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Emergency Snack Kit Bag

Hell hath no fury like a hangry boyfriend, it’s basically like having a toddler and that’s no fun. Keep him fed and happy with a lil lunchbox that pokes just a lil bit of fun at him. Pack up this insulated snack kit bag with some of his faves and you’ll have found the way to his heart.

$33.00

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Minimalist Phone Tray with Accessory Dish

Give him a snazzy place to keep his smaller accessories and a simple device to keep his phone upright while shooting TikToks with this simple tray. The accessory dish has a divot to keep things like cufflinks secure and a large center opening to keep his phone upright and at the perfect angle.

$18.00

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Monogram Cufflinks

Is that a JCrew model or your boyfriend? They’ll be the same person when he’s got these preppy AF cufflinks through his shirt sleeve holes. The stylish links have a stainless steel base and a few color options available for the embroidered monogram.

$29.00

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Custom Minimalist Monogram Sweatshirt

When you two wanna be matchy-matchy but you don’t wanna be weird about it, this minimalist monogram sweatshirt is the perfect item. Get a sweatshirt for you both or get one for him, your initial and a heart will be embroidered on the sleeve so he knows he’s always on your mind.

$33.22

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Santa! I Know Him! Elf Socks

Santa Claus is coming to town and your BF is excited and you know who else is? Buddy the Elf! Treat your Christmas movie-loving boyfriend to a pair of top-notch socks that turn his fandom into something fun.

$14.99

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Desktop Candy Grabber

When he needs something to do at work he’ll pass on the Excel sheets and try his hand at the claw game. Who could blame him? This mini replica of the arcade classic is easy and fun to play and is always a winner.

$49.99

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USB Cookie Cup Warmer

Cookies and coffee is basically cookies and milk for grownups, but he won’t wanna eat the cookie that’s under this mug. It’s a USB coffee mug warmer, when he plugs it into his laptop or a charger, it’ll keep his coffee warm for hours.

$10.99

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Emergency Beer Button

That work-from-home life can be rough and on a Friday afternoon, he might need to smash this button. When he does, it will (politely, of course) shout “BEER!” indicating his need for a little pregame to happy hour.

$12.99

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Escape Room In A Book

He’ll never complain that he’s bored again when he has this book in his bag. Journal 29 is an escape room in a book, packed with puzzles and interactive activities that’ll force him to think outside of the box and off the page.

$17.99

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Authentic Personalized Ammo Box

Wrap up his gifts without using any paper this year by treating him to a personalized ammo box. It’s made from an authentic upcycled ammo can and available in a 30 cal size and a 60 cal size.

$34.99

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Craft Beer Club Subscription

Twelve beers a month right to his door? That’s not a line from the 12 Days of Christmas, that’s what your BF has to look forward to with the Craft Beer Subscription. He’ll give three cheers to the tasty varieties in the box and enjoy the tasting notes journal that arrives with them.

$43.00

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Playstation Icons Light

When he has a bad dream he can *console* himself by turning on this clever nightlight. He’ll recognize the symbols as the ones from his PlayStation controller, which he may be tempted to play to relieve any additional bad dreams.

$21.99

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Personalized Belt

Every time he takes his pants off, he’ll think of you when he sees the message engraved on the inside of this belt. The belt is classy AF but the message that only he can see doesn’t have to be. Have a little fun with it and he’ll look forward to something saucy when he gets home.

$54.00

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What The F**k Should I Make For Dinner

He asks you this same question every night and with this cookbook in hand not only can he answer it for himself, but he can also make something wonderful. The 50 meals on its pages are so delicious they’ll become instant classics in your household, and best of all, they’re easy to make.

$9.45

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Engraved Pocket Knife

Every dude needs a pocket knife and if he is looking a little dull, give him one that’s extra special. This one is available in four metal finishes and a couple of hilt styles. Add the engraving of your choice to the wood on the handle to complete the look.

$14.85

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Tactical Battle Coffee Mug

Help your man go into battle against tired eyes and a salty mood in the morning with a mug built for war. This tactical battle coffee mug is hardcore, it’s 100% metal inside and out and has space for fun attachments, like a kickstand.

$69.00

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Jim Beam Bolt Action Bullet Pen with Case

Writing looks and feels a lot more badass when it’s with a pen made from an actual bullet AND an actual whiskey barrel. Upcycled from a barrel of Jim Beam, the crazy awesome pen comes in its own hard shell case, just like a bolt action rifle would.

$39.99

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Men’s Waterproof Tactical Watch

For working out or for everyday wear, this watch is an ideal fit. He can wear it at the gym and it’ll track his workout’s metrics, even if he’s swimming. With an all-black exterior and large face with military-style numbers, it’s easy to transition to the office, too.

$20.98

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Snoop Dogg’s Cookbook

From masterpieces that’ll impress his mother to munchies that’ll satisfy his MJ-induced cravings, Snoop Dogg’s cookbook is fo shizzle the real deal. With over 50 delectable recipes, the book makes cooking like a rapper’s personal chef look easy and fun.

$15.37

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Geeky Athletic Jerseys

Is he more of a Chudley Cannons guy or is he on Team Megatron? Whatever your dude’s nerdy flair happens to be, you’ll find it at Geeky Jerseys. The custom jersey service has created hundreds of high-quality fanmade jerseys that your guy will be proud to wear at his next Quidditch match, er, basketball game.

$99.00

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The Subscription Box For Guys

It’ll be like Christmas every month when he’s got a Bespoke Post subscription. The box is basically a treasure chest for dudes, filled with masculine delights ranging from accessories to equipment to start new hobbies to self-care and skincare goodies.

$45.00

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Porsche Drive Subscription Service

Your man’s ride needs an upgrade and we’re not talking about a car that’s technically “less used” than the one he has now. We mean a Porsche of his choice every month. He’ll have his choice of a fleet of awesome cars that he can trade-in at any time for a different one.

$1500.00

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Personalized Jerry Can Mini Bar for Man Cave

Think of this as a picnic basket for men. When you see him walk into his man cave with it in hand followed by some bros, don’t interrupt. He’s probably stocked the cool personalized can with a fifth of whiskey, up to six cans of brewskis and some snacks. The can is available in several colors to match his aesthetic.

$242.00

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Trunk Club Subscription

Is your man craving a change in his everyday style but not sure where to start? Give him the celebrity treatment with Trunk Club. A stylist will choose his wardrobe for him and send him a curated box every month. He only keeps what he likes and sends the rest back so he stays looking fresh and fly.

$25.00

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Viking Axe Shaving Straight Razor

There’s a little part of every man that wishes he was Thor, God of thunder. And how could he not? Dude is badass. His morning shave will be a little more badass with this Viking axe straight razor. It’s the closest shave of his life and the way grandpa used to do it. Plus, it’s easy to sharpen.

$147.00

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The Macallan 12 Year Personalized Bottle

Skip the hot toddy and go straight for the smooth, warm, silky goodness that is The Macallan. The whiskey is aged 12 years and has a level of smoke and richness that never disappoints. Personalize this bottle just for your man and it’ll be a very merry Christmas for you both.

$89.99

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Croc Nuts

Jingle deez bells on Christmas and you’ll have your merriest yet because your BF won’t be able to stop laughing. The 3D-printed twig and berries bob along as he walks, just like the danglers he might have on his truck hitch.

$9.99

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Personalized Etched Glass Cups

When he’s cooling off after a long day he’ll feel a little closer to his loved ones when they’re etched on the glass he’s sipping from. This heavy duty rocks glass can be etched with any photo in exacting detail and the best part is, that image will never fade.

$44.00

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Hot Pickle Jerky

Don’t go looking in the Christmas tree for the Christmas pickle, all the DILL-licious delights you need are right here in this hot pickle jerky. It’s everything salty and vinegary he loves, with the added benefit of being protein packed.

$13.00

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Updated: Jul 10 2024.

Elevate your holiday with one of these amazing Christmas gifts for your girlfriend and create your best holiday yet under the mistletoe. From charming couple gifts that strengthen your bond to indulgent treats for her well-deserved me-time, these gift ideas are sure to delight. Whether you’re looking for a substantial gift to place under the tree, something fun for her Hallmark movie marathons, or a thoughtful stocking stuffer that even Santa wouldn’t have thought of, you’ll find it all here. She brightens every day, so make this holiday season unforgettable by treating her to the perfect gift and keeping her star shining bright!

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Photo Projection Necklace

Average locket necklaces have gotten a serious upgrade in the 21st century and are presenting photos in a whole new way. The charm in the center of this gold, rose gold, or silver necklace is more than a drop of glass, when she looks through it or shines a light through it, she’ll see it’s actually a photo.

$20.00

Spicy Box Naughty Subscription Box

She’s been naughty in the nicest way and you’ll both benefit from her “bad” behavior with the SpicyBox. You and your GF will receive an assortment of goodies every month that you can take into the bedroom and get a little bad with. From toys to things to tease each other with, you’ll find something tantalizing here.

$14.95

Chunky Knit Blanket Throw

Girls love to cocoon themselves in things and once she’s wrapped up in this chunky knit throw, she’s never gonna wanna move. The oversized blanket is handmade from luxury Merino wool and available in almost 50 colors, so there’s guaranteed to be one to fit your girl’s decor.

$7.75

Snowy Tiny House Getaway

Fuzzy socks and stunning views of the countryside and a cozy little living area, what more could you ask for? Enjoy a relaxing and refreshing stay away from the hustle and bustle of the city at this gorgeous tiny house located in the Hudson Valley.

$308.00

Birthflower Name Necklace

You’ll be the best BF in the world when you treat her to a symbol of her birth month she probably didn’t even know she had. This birth flower necklace will quickly become one of her go-to pieces. It’s handcrafted and available in three finishes, so it’s a great fit for any girl’s style.

$26.90

50 Reasons Why I Love You Jar of Messages

You’ll really make an impression on her heart when you DIY a darling and clever gift this Christmas. You’ll receive a jar with 50 empty scrolls in it and it’s up to you to write the messages or fortunes of your choice on them. Let her love inspire your sweet words.

$16.95

Feejays Sweatpants With Feet

If your girlfriend’s catchphrase at the holidays is “I’m cold” then she’s gonna have to find a new one after you treat her to Feejays. The sweatpants with feet have a warm sherpa lining from waistband to toe that’ll keep her cozy. Plus, there are tons of colors to choose from so you’re guaranteed to find her style.

$39.98

Personalized Song Plaque Playlist

Turn Your Song into the coolest picture frame that your girlfriend has ever received. Yes, even better than the one from her best friend. This piece of acrylic is printed with your picture and etched with something especially meaningful. Underneath your photo is a song, which can be marked to the exact time code of a special lyric.

$7.99

Custom Portrait Keychain

Treat her to a whole new way of seeing your relationship with a keychain printed with an illustration of the two of you. This creative resin piece shows off you and your sweetie sans faces but full of personality and love.

$17.00

DateBox Subscription Box

Ditch ordinary dates and start treating yourselves to some real fun with DateBox. Your date night game will be seriously elevated once a month when you can improve your connection with each other by doing activities like making cake pops, wine and paint nights, fondue for two, and making mochi!

$39.99

I F*cking Love You Hidden Message Mug

Suprise your GF with a little extra love in her morning mug with a special ceramic that contains a charmingly NSFW message. When she finishes her beverage, she’ll see the message at the bottom of mug and smile.

$18.95

Personalized Date Night Dispenser

Just like dinner, sometimes you can’t decide on date night. Let this adorable dispenser decide for you. As a bonus, the colorful piece is personalized with your names. Inside you’ll find a roll with ticket shaped ideas for your best date nights yet.

$16.00

I Wrote A Book About Us Personalized Book

Flex those author muscles you bragged to her about on your first day with I Wrote a Book About Us. The book is filled with prompts to get you started and make you think about your relationship’s best moments, but the real writing is up to you.

$10.99

Heated Winter Vest

Tailgating with the crew will be a lot more fun for your GF when she’s wearing a heated winter vest that’ll keep her cozy when the temps get subzero. The tailored vest shows off her shapely figure and keeps her warm with a battery back that warms up the vest like a heated blanket.

$139.99

Celestial Suncatcher

Mercury can be in super retrograde (is that a thing?) but it won’t bother your girl when she’s got this celestial suncatcher hanging in her window. The eye-catching crystalline piece will boost her mood every time she sees it.

$15.99

Custom Our First Date Map Plaque

Remind her of the night you met with a sentimental gift that’ll make her cry happy tears. This acrylic map is a unique way to represent your first date and is a great addition to the decor of a girl with more contemporary tastes.

$26.99

The Self Care Bucket List

The holiday season can be a stressful one but after she starts tackling some of the activities in this self care bucket list box, your GF’s life will change. The cards can be used again and again to help her establish and maintain a mindfulness practice, which will make her happier and feel more fulfilled and centered.

$49.99

100 Dates Scratch-off Poster

You’ll never run out of date ideas again when you’ve got 100 of them on a poster in front of you. You’ll have as much fun scratching off the adventures you have as you do enjoying the unique outings. Some are great for away, others are for enjoying at home, it’s a great mix of both.

$25.99

There’s Some Hos in This House Funny Shirt

WAP totally means “with a present”, which is exactly how the Ho (ho ho) wearing this hilarious shirt will be attending the family Christmas party. Jingle some bells and ruffle some feathers with a comfy shirt that she’ll be wearing on every Target run this holiday season.

$14.27

The Sill Plant Subscription Box

Let your favorite plant mom be the mother she always dreamt of being with The Sill. The subscription will allow her to welcome a new plant into her brood every month. They’re easy to care for and come in a 6″ pot so they’re small enough she’ll always find a place to put her new green baby.

$35.00

Wellness Experience at A Bath House

Treat her to an experience that will make her feel like a queen at A Bath House. It’s like the Roman baths of yore with a serious spa upgrade. The tubs are hot, the steam rooms are hotter, and she’ll leave feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and reinvigorated.

$100.00

I Am Freaking Cold Sweatshirt

You don’t have to ask her because you already know the answer to the question about whether or not she’s cold when the temperature drops below 65 degrees. When she’s wearing this sweatshirt, not only will she be warmer, she also won’t have to explain why she needs you to bump up the thermostat.

$20.93

Personalized Photo Projection Necklace

Your girlfriend will adore a locket that’s a modern twist on the one her mother or grandmother might have. The pretty pearl charm on the pendant of this piece has a photo embedded inside. When she shines a light through it, she’ll see the photo of your choosing projected on a flat surface.

$28.99

Luxury Personalized Bathrobe

She’ll be living that five-star life in her studio apartment the second she slips on this luxury bathrobe. It used to be only celebrities that had their names on things, but not anymore. She’ll feel like an A-lister cuddled up in the plush monogrammed robe in any of the seven available colors.

$59.99

Giant Hershey Kiss

Make her laugh and smile by meeting her under the mistletoe with the biggest kiss she’s ever gotten. This whopper is almost 6″ tall and 12oz in size. It’s big enough to share, but it’s classic Hershey chocolate so sharing can be hard.

$19.94

Cold Brew and Iced Tea Maker

If she’s still drinking cold brew in the winter, she’s officially addicted. Enable that habit in the prettiest fashion with this glass pitcher. The airtight bottle brews a full liter of iced tea or coffee and has a super fine mesh sieve that will keep any leaves or grounds out of her drink.

$35.99

The Ultimate Christmas Relaxation Box

The holidays are awesome but they’re also super duper stressful. Your GF will be feeling footloose and fancy-free when she dives into this box packed with over a dozen holiday delights. From candles to plant to bath products, everything in here will send her stress levels plummeting.

$45.00

Seasonal Flower Subscription

You don’t need a reason or a season to send your girl some flowers. But just so you don’t forget, let Urban Stems remember for you. Every month they’ll deliver a fresh box of seasonal blooms to her door.

$85.00

Gel Manicure Starter Set

She’ll save a lot of money on salon trips when she can do her nails at home herself. This gel manicure set allows her to show off her own skill at doing nails. The key item is the UV cured, which sets her nail and makes them look their best.

$22.99

The WeDo Game for Couples

Even couples that are together forever can learn something new about each other and grow closer as partners. WeDo makes that easy, with questions, prompts, and conversation starters that will get you talking, dreaming, and thinking about what wonderful places you can go next.

$39.99

Cushionaire Pillow Cloud Slides

She’ll be striding in style and comfort in these cloud slides. The shoes have a soft foam footbed that provides as much support as it does cushion and anti-skid soles that’ll keep her safe when surfaces are slippery.

$24.99

Massage Candle

Add a little heat to your next spicy session with a little help from a massage candle. She’ll feel like she’s living in luxury when you pour the candle’s warm, silky wax on her back and massage it into her skin. The wax melts at low temps so it won’t burn her skin.

$19.99

Raw Crystal Zodiac Necklace

While she’s reading her horoscope, she’ll clutch this necklace for a little bit of good luck. New agey types that need a little protection from Mercury in retrograde will adore the raw birthstone crystal on the pendant of the necklace and the tiny disc stamped with their sign that accompanies it.

$42.00

Personalized Book Locket

A picture’s worth a thousand words and you’ll tell quite the love story with two photos in this adorable personalized book locket. Choose her favorite from rose gold, gold, silver, or bronze and is accented with her initial stamped on a disc.

$16.00

I’m Watching Hallmark Movies Socks

When she’s got the Hallmark Channel on, it’s time for you to STFU. When you see these socks on her feet, it’s a sign that you need to watch the game on your iPad and leave her to enjoy Cameron Mathison and Lacey Chabert in peace. Want brownie points? Bring her a glass of wine.

$13.00

Inner Circle Hidden Message Necklace

Onlookers will see your girl wearing a beautiful necklace with a circular pendant, but every time she looks down, she’ll see a sweet reminder of the love you share. This clever necklace is available in gold, rose gold, or silver and etched on the inside with a short message of your choosing.

$118.52

Build Your Own Christmas Movie Romance: Choose Your Own Adventure

Christmas starts before Halloween now and if she’s got that very special day that one channel starts running Christmas movies 24/7, she will love this book. In classic choose your own adventure style, she can create her own Christmas card-worthy fantasy romance of a lifetime.

$18.00

Engraved Watch Band

The toughest part of her workout will feel like nothing at all when she looks down at her Apple Watch and sees a loving message from you. This band is engraved with your initials and “forever” and comes in a rainbow of colors.

$26.99

Personalized Lovebirds Ornament

Seeing a cardinal flying around in front of freshly fallen snow is a unique winter treat that brings about feelings of warmth and happiness. This lasercut wooden ornament perfectly captures those feelings and peppers in a bit of your relationship’s love.

$23.99

Personalized Our Story Photo Album

Treat your girl to six of your favorite photos of the two of you and three text messages all tucked into one incredibly unique photo album. This fold-out Our Story booklet is a little piece of your heart she can carry with her in her purse, personalized just for her.

$20.00

The Couple’s Adventure Challenge Book

Couples with a sense of wanderlust will find a renewed sense of wonder thanks to this creative book. Couples author it themselves, and it gives them 50 off-the-wall ideas for exploring new things together (like making a pie blindfolded) and making memories that they’ll have forever.

$49.99

Monogrammed Christmas Pajamas

Christmas is the best time of the year for jammies and you can expect her to be wearing these all the time. The pattern on the shirt will match the soft flannel pants and the monogram on the front makes it a very Instagrammable two-set.

$10.00

Desert Oasis Getaway

If snow’s not your GF’s jam, no worries! The skies are always sunny in this desert oasis. Hang by the saltwater pool and enjoy stunning mountain views and good vibes only in the Movie Colony area of Palm Springs, California.

$350.00

GBBO Star Baker Apron

A gal that’s a got a talent for all things baking related will know exactly what it means to wear this apron’s moniker. By giving it to her, you’ll be telling her that she’s worthy of a handshake from Paul Hollywood.

$25.90

Merry Christmas My Penguin Message in a Bottle

She’s your penguin, your partner for life (maybe?) so why not make it a very merry or even a very marry Christmas with a cute message in a bottle that solidifies your love. This adorable bird is just waiting to adorn her desk and remind her every day that you love her.

$14.99

Merry Christmas To My Everything Card

If her dream is to visit New York City at the holidays, she’ll get a kick out of this card. The city’s favorite bagel is artfully presented on the front and sure to make your favorite person smile.

$6.95

Custom Christmas Cookie Stamp

At the holidays, there won’t be any doubt about who made the best cookies at the party when your GF has this creative cookie stamp on hand. The press comes with interchangeable letters for her to put her own name or any other message on her rolled cookies.

$16.50

Funny Christmas Wine Glass Flight

Santa’s elves were working overtime when they came up with this genius wine flight set. Get the set of four to make sure she gets all the handpainted stemless glasses, each with a hilarious Christmas pun on them.

$23.00

Personalized Funny Elf Hat

Elf yourself and your lady this holiday season with a funny elf hat that has her name on it! Red and green is the classic combo, but you’ll have lots of different colors to choose from. Grab one to match and you’ll have the cutest holiday card ever.

$59.90

Conair Foot Spa with Soothing Vibration Massage

If you love her but hate giving her a foot massage, let this Conair foot spa do it for you. The tub’s vibration will soothe any aches and pains that plague her feet while the hot water will clean and moisturize them.

$27.99

Just Because I Love You Purse Token

You’re only a text away, but sometimes there’s no reception and your GF will need an immediate reminder that you’ve got her back. This shiny token is just that. It’s a little bit of love that requires no reception, just a small pocket in her purse.

$7.99

Christmas Cookie Cutter Earrings

She’ll be the cutest chick at your family’s holiday party with these cookie cutter earrings on. it’s easy to be in the spirit with a gingerbread man, Christmas tree, or star hanging from your lobes. They’re lightweight and super comfy for all-day wear.

$5.00

Tweexy Original Nail Polish Bottle Holder

She’ll have the best looking nails at the holiday party thanks to Tweexy. The clever silicone ring is stretchable to safely hold onto any sized nail polish bottle, allowing her to dip and paint effortlessly and without a mess.

$9.99

Pink Ceramic Cactus Tree

She’s an extraordinary woman and she should have a Christmas tree just as extraordinary as she is! This pink ceramic cactus is just the pop of color her Christmas decor needs. It’s 10.5″ tall and stays lit and fresh the whole year round.

$84.95

Monogrammed Leather Tote

Make her the most sophisticated girl in the room with a tote that matches her bold, professional, totally boss personality. This stylish leather tote bears her monogram in your choice of eight fonts. And it’s got a TON of room, so she can easily fit her whole kit and caboodle in it.

$29.99

Reusable Hand Warmers

Long winter walks are a lot more pleasant (and a lot more romantic) for your GF when her hands don’t feel like popsicles. These reusable hand warmers are cute, soft, and totally eco-friendly. They’re filled with rice, so all she’s gotta do is pop ’em in the microwave before your stroll and her hands will be nice and warm.

$14.00

Stovetop Espresso Maker

Modern girls need modern appliances, and this one doesn’t even need electricity! When she’s brewing her morning espresso, she’ll feel like she’s living in a fancy Italian apartment with this on her stove. The aluminum maker has a 15oz capacity that’ll keep her going all day long.

$101.86

Hot Toddy Cocktail Kit

Enjoy a Christmas cocktail with a hot toddy in a jar. This cocktail kit is genius and contains everything you need but the alcohol to make a drink that warms every corner of your heart and soul. The contents are enough to make eight cocktails, so you’ll both have plenty of nightcaps to drink.

$24.00

Cask’d Vintners Red Wine Infused Coffee

Whether it’s five AM or five PM, she can enjoy wine and coffee with Cask’d. The grounds are infused with red wine, which deepens and mellows the bitter taste of the coffee and adds just the touch of sweetness she’s looking for.

$23.99

Personalized Mini Message Christmas Ornament

Your tree has enough glittery bulbs, get her an ornament that will make an impression with its natural beauty and its heart. Inside this mini wooden Christmas ornament, there are a a series of paper strips for you to record your hopes, dreams, and intentions for a beautiful future with your GF.

$17.50

Personalized Etched Glass Cups

Treat your bourbon loving babe to a whiskey glass that’ll warm her heart with spirits and a spirited design. The beautiful, heavy-duty glass is personalized with an etching of the photo of your choice. The etching is permanent and will never fade, just like the love you two share.

$44.00

Club Bubbly Champagne Subscription Box

A Club Bubbly subscription will make you want to make Sunday Brunch at home a thing because your mimosas will be bottomless! Every month you’ll receive three carefully curated bottles of bubbly that’ll make you feel positively ebullient.

$75.00

Portable Waterproof Speaker

Your girl and her pals can enjoy some fun tunes on their next pool day with this speaker clipped to her bag. It’s tiny but it produces a big sound that’s super clear. It’ll pair with any Bluetooth enabled device and pump out sound for up to ten hours.

$44.95

Custom Infinite Love Bracelet

Seal the deal on forever love with a simple bracelet that makes a big statement. It’s no more than your initials, the infinity symbol, and a heart, but the impression it makes on her is what makes the real difference.

$15.00

Snowflake Pearl Earrings

She’ll be glittering at her holiday party with these dazzling snowflake pearl earrings on. The stunning studs hang delicately from her ears and have a stainless steel post that won’t irritate her skin.

$20.00

Christmas Tree Bath Bomb

Make her me-time merry and bright with a cute little tree bath bomb that’s sure to brighten her tub. It’s cute for sure, but the best thing about this bomb is the scent. It smells deliciously of Jolly Ranchers.

$6.99

Coffee and Chocolate Gift Box

There’s no better match than coffee and chocolate (except for you and your girl, of course) and that’s why she’ll love the delightfully bittersweet flavors in this box. She’ll have four roasts of beans and four artisan chocolates to choose from, each with different nuances and flavor profiles.

$42.00

Dip Mix Christmas Light

If she’d rather be the host of the party than the life of it, she’ll be grateful for this Dip Mix tucked cleverly in a Christmas bulb. Choose from eight different handcrafted flavors or get her one of each, she’ll love that you helped make the party go off without a hitch.

$6.95

Mini Cookie Advent Calendar

Baker boyfriends, spoil your GF this year by making her a mini cookie Advent calendar. Use your extra sweet talents with the 24 cookie cutters included in this set and don’t forget to decorate with care. The kit does come with a cardboard holder for them, too, so she can open a door every day before Christmas.

$19.50

Personalized Hallmark Movie Watching Mug

Hallmark movies don’t just run in the middle of the day, they run early in the morning and late at night. Your GF needs to be awake to see them all. Luckily, if you get her this personalized coffee mug, she’ll have plenty of coffee to sip from all day long.

$13.59

Personalized Cheese Queen Cutting Board

It’s not cheesy to say that she’s the queen of cheese. It’s an honor to know the dairy delight so well and if she can whip up a charcuterie better than anyone you know, she needs this cutting board to put those creamy wonders on. It even folds out to reveal knives she can slice the cheese with.

$24.99

Pure Silk Sleep Mask

Getting her beauty sleep is easy when the mask she’s wearing helps her stay beautiful. This one’s made from pure silk, which means it will block all the light but still allow her skin to breathe while she’s sleeping, keeping it looking fresh.

$15.00

Custom Penguin Ornament

Penguins mate forever so if you’ve got a feeling that she’s your penguin, make her heart grow three sizes this Christmas with an ornament that’s a testament to your neverending love. This gold, rose gold, bronze, or gray disc is engraved with you two as penguins and of course, your names.

$15.64

Fluff Yeah Slipper Slides

She’s gonna wanna say a lot more than just “fluff yeah” when she slides these slippers onto her feet. They’re soft AF, and warm, but not so warm she couldn’t wear them for a little extra comfort in the summer.

$109.95

Custom Recipe Cutting Board

Ask her mom or grandma about a recipe that meant a lot to her as a kid and be prepared for some happy tears when she sees this cutting board. The recipe you chose is engraved in her loved one’s handwriting on the board’s surface. It’s something that she’ll cherish forever.

$64.00

Live Tarot Reading

Help her start her new year off right with a Tarot reading from a veteran practitioner. This is consciousness Tarot, which is meant to enlighten, empower, and inspire, so it’s a welcome calm to the storm that is the holidays.

$34.00

Hallmark Channel Countdown to Christmas

It’s never too soon to start celebrating Christmas, especially if you’re the Hallmark Channel. If she’s waited all year for Halloween because that’s when Hallmark starts their movies, she’ll love having this book on her coffee table. It’s a behind-the-scenes look at all her favorite movies of the season.

$13.97

Personalized Love Lock

She won’t want to put this lock on a bridge, she’ll want to keep it all to herself. The gold lock is engraved with both of your names and has five options for the message on the front. It’s fully functional and can be latched to something.

$38.00

Plaid Blanket Scarf

On the way to the party, she’ll look great and feel warm wearing this scarf in a Christmassy plaid around her neck. When she gets to the party, she can take it off and use it as a blanket to stay warm there, too. It’s two gifts in one and she’s sure to love both.

$19.90

Personalized Hair Care and Skincare

Your girl shines but when she starts using personalized hair care and skincare from Function of Beauty she is going to be radiant. The formula of each is made exactly for her so it perfectly caters to her skin or hair needs. As a bonus, it smells amazeballs.

$50.00

I’ve Been Naughty Funny Cozy Socks

She’s been naughty and it’s probably your fault so you can and should at least get her some socks. And these soft fuzzy ones are benign enough that she can open them in front of her family. The underwear you could also get her, well, that’s a different story…

$12.99

Moleskine Passion Journal

Encourage her to chase her dreams and catch them in the new year with the Moleskine Passion Journal. The beautiful leather book has plenty of space for her to free journal as well as spaces for her to dedicate to planning, and more concrete goals.

$28.28

Better Together Story of Us Book

Every love story is unique and you can tell it in a beautiful way with The Story of Us. The book captures you and your GF in adorable illustrations of everyday moments that make your love story the sweet one it is.

$34.99

Personalized Stemless Champagne Flute

The mimosas are bottomless and chilly when you’re toting around one of these stemless champagne flutes. They’re chic, they’re shiny, and most importantly, they’re leakproof in case you accidentally knock them over.

$11.00

Seasonal Foodie Dice

Shake up your meals at Christmas, literally, with foodie dice! This set of eight cubes is seasonal and has an array of tasty ingredients that you’ll find readily at the store. You’ll both have a blast seeing what original recipes you can come up with based on your rolls.

$24.00

Snowman Hot Chocolate Bomb

Stuff her stocking with something extra sweet by treating her to this adorable snowman hot chocolate bomb. His body is made of white chocolate but his head is a marshmallow so he adds a little chocolate and a little fun to every cup.

$16.00

Winter Sparkle Holiday Spa Gift Box

She’ll be glittering and glowing when she tucks into the goodies inside this Winter Sparkle Holiday spa box. The box contains a candle to burn while she soaks in the bath, a peppermint chapstick, bath salts, and a bar of natural soap. Every item is handcrafted with love and the bath products are available in more than 20 awesome aromas.

$34.50

Engraved Wood Photo Necklace

This is not your ordinary pendant, this is a charming piece that your GF’s friends will be asking about. They’ll marvel at how well the engraving captures your image. The wood pendant isn’t even two inches tall but captures your every detail and dimple.

$30.99

Custom Velvet Ring Box

Christmas is the time to say “I love you” and what better way to engage with your GF this holiday season than a very special gift in a very pretty box. She’ll say yes, yes, a thousand times yes to this gorgeous velvet ring box in any of the ethereal colors available.

$16.99

Limited Edition Peppermint Bark

There’s no problem that chocolate can’t solve but at the holidays, things are extra stressful. Enter Ghiradelli’s Limited Edition Peppermint Bark. The sensational squares are crafted with the best ingredients to deliver a phenomenally stress-relieving, sweet, savor-worthy experience.

$30.50

Personalized Gingerbread Man Teaspoons

Get ready to enjoy some of the best bakes she’s ever made, they’ll be made with extra love when she makes them with these teaspoons. You can add names to the stem of the spoons, so if there are any people who inspired her baking hobby, she’ll love seeing them there while she bakes.

$4.49

Christmas Tea Gift Set

What suits your tea-loving girlfriend to a T? A gift set with three delectable loose leaf blends and a pot of honey to sweeten it, of course! This mini gift box is just for Christmas and includes a gold, frank, and myrrh blend. Technically, that makes you a wise man for giving it to her.

$29.95

Luxury Skincare Set

Just when you thought your GF’s face couldn’t look any more beautiful, this luxury skin care set came along. The five serums, creams, and salves in the set are suitable for all skin types and conditions and formulated with only the best, all-natural ingredients.

$86.00

Mark 15:1-20

Jesus Delivered to Pilate

15 And as soon as it was morning, the chief priests held a consultation with the elders and scribes and the whole council. And they bound Jesus and led him away and delivered him over to Pilate. ² And Pilate asked him, “Are you the King of the Jews?” And he answered him, “You have said so.” ³ And the chief priests accused him of many things. ⁴ And Pilate again asked him, “Have you no answer to make? See how many charges they bring against you.” ⁵ But Jesus made no further answer, so that Pilate was amazed.

Pilate Delivers Jesus to Be Crucified

⁶ Now at the feast he used to release for them one prisoner for whom they asked. ⁷ And among the rebels in prison, who had committed murder in the insurrection, there was a man called Barabbas. ⁸ And the crowd came up and began to ask Pilate to do as he usually did for them. ⁹ And he answered them, saying, “Do you want me to release for you the King of the Jews?” ¹⁰ For he perceived that it was out of envy that the chief priests had delivered him up. ¹¹ But the chief priests stirred up the crowd to have him release for them Barabbas instead. ¹² And Pilate again said to them, “Then what shall I do with the man you call the King of the Jews?” ¹³ And they cried out again, “Crucify him.” ¹⁴ And Pilate said to them, “Why? What evil has he done?” But they shouted all the more, “Crucify him.” ¹⁵ So Pilate, wishing to satisfy the crowd, released for them Barabbas, and having scourged Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified.

Jesus Is Mocked

¹⁶ And the soldiers led him away inside the palace (that is, the governor’s headquarters), and they called together the whole battalion. ¹⁷ And they clothed him in a purple cloak, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on him. ¹⁸ And they began to salute him, “Hail, King of the Jews!” ¹⁹ And they were striking his head with a reed and spitting on him and kneeling down in homage to him. ²⁰ And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the purple cloak and put his own clothes on him. And they led him out to crucify him.

Mark 15:1-20

Jesus Before Pilate

15 Very early in the morning, the chief priests, with the elders, the teachers of the law and the whole Sanhedrin, made their plans. So they bound Jesus, led him away and handed him over to Pilate.

² “Are you the king of the Jews?” asked Pilate.

“You have said so,” Jesus replied.

³ The chief priests accused him of many things. ⁴ So again Pilate asked him, “Aren’t you going to answer? See how many things they are accusing you of.”

⁵ But Jesus still made no reply, and Pilate was amazed.

⁶ Now it was the custom at the festival to release a prisoner whom the people requested. ⁷ A man called Barabbas was in prison with the insurrectionists who had committed murder in the uprising. ⁸ The crowd came up and asked Pilate to do for them what he usually did.

⁹ “Do you want me to release to you the king of the Jews?” asked Pilate, ¹⁰ knowing it was out of self-interest that the chief priests had handed Jesus over to him. ¹¹ But the chief priests stirred up the crowd to have Pilate release Barabbas instead.

¹² “What shall I do, then, with the one you call the king of the Jews?” Pilate asked them.

¹³ “Crucify him!” they shouted.

¹⁴ “Why? What crime has he committed?” asked Pilate.

But they shouted all the louder, “Crucify him!”

¹⁵ Wanting to satisfy the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them. He had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.

The Soldiers Mock Jesus

¹⁶ The soldiers led Jesus away into the palace (that is, the Praetorium) and called together the whole company of soldiers. ¹⁷ They put a purple robe on him, then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on him. ¹⁸ And they began to call out to him, “Hail, king of the Jews!” ¹⁹ Again and again they struck him on the head with a staff and spit on him. Falling on their knees, they paid homage to him. ²⁰ And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him out to crucify him.

15 Very early in the morning the leading priests, the elders, and the teachers of religious law—the entire high council—met to discuss their next step. They bound Jesus, led him away, and took him to Pilate, the Roman governor.

² Pilate asked Jesus, “Are you the king of the Jews?”

Jesus replied, “You have said it.”

³ Then the leading priests kept accusing him of many crimes, ⁴ and Pilate asked him, “Aren’t you going to answer them? What about all these charges they are bringing against you?” ⁵ But Jesus said nothing, much to Pilate’s surprise.

⁶ Now it was the governor’s custom each year during the Passover celebration to release one prisoner—anyone the people requested. ⁷ One of the prisoners at that time was Barabbas, a revolutionary who had committed murder in an uprising. ⁸ The crowd went to Pilate and asked him to release a prisoner as usual.

⁹ “Would you like me to release to you this ‘King of the Jews’?” Pilate asked. ¹⁰ (For he realized by now that the leading priests had arrested Jesus out of envy.) ¹¹ But at this point the leading priests stirred up the crowd to demand the release of Barabbas instead of Jesus. ¹² Pilate asked them, “Then what should I do with this man you call the king of the Jews?”

¹³ They shouted back, “Crucify him!”

¹⁴ “Why?” Pilate demanded. “What crime has he committed?”

But the mob roared even louder, “Crucify him!”

¹⁵ So to pacify the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them. He ordered Jesus flogged with a lead-tipped whip, then turned him over to the Roman soldiers to be crucified.

¹⁶ The soldiers took Jesus into the courtyard of the governor’s headquarters (called the Praetorium) and called out the entire regiment. ¹⁷ They dressed him in a purple robe, and they wove thorn branches into a crown and put it on his head. ¹⁸ Then they saluted him and taunted, “Hail! King of the Jews!” ¹⁹ And they struck him on the head with a reed stick, spit on him, and dropped to their knees in mock worship. ²⁰ When they were finally tired of mocking him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him again. Then they led him away to be crucified.

23 “If a man’s testicles are crushed or his penis is cut off, he may not be admitted to the assembly of the Lord.

² “If a person is illegitimate by birth, neither he nor his descendants for ten generations may be admitted to the assembly of the Lord.

³ “No Ammonite or Moabite or any of their descendants for ten generations may be admitted to the assembly of the Lord. ⁴ These nations did not welcome you with food and water when you came out of Egypt. Instead, they hired Balaam son of Beor from Pethor in distant Aram-naharaim to curse you. ⁵ But the Lord your God refused to listen to Balaam. He turned the intended curse into a blessing because the Lord your God loves you. ⁶ As long as you live, you must never promote the welfare and prosperity of the Ammonites or Moabites.

⁷ “Do not detest the Edomites or the Egyptians, because the Edomites are your relatives and you lived as foreigners among the Egyptians. ⁸ The third generation of Edomites and Egyptians may enter the assembly of the Lord.

⁹ “When you go to war against your enemies, be sure to stay away from anything that is impure.

¹⁰ “Any man who becomes ceremonially defiled because of a nocturnal emission must leave the camp and stay away all day. ¹¹ Toward evening he must bathe himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp.

¹² “You must have a designated area outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. ¹³ Each of you must have a spade as part of your equipment. Whenever you relieve yourself, dig a hole with the spade and cover the excrement. ¹⁴ The camp must be holy, for the Lord your God moves around in your camp to protect you and to defeat your enemies. He must not see any shameful thing among you, or he will turn away from you.

¹⁵ “If slaves should escape from their masters and take refuge with you, you must not hand them over to their masters. ¹⁶ Let them live among you in any town they choose, and do not oppress them.

¹⁷ “No Israelite, whether man or woman, may become a temple prostitute. ¹⁸ When you are bringing an offering to fulfill a vow, you must not bring to the house of the Lord your God any offering from the earnings of a prostitute, whether a man or a woman, for both are detestable to the Lord your God.

¹⁹ “Do not charge interest on the loans you make to a fellow Israelite, whether you loan money, or food, or anything else. ²⁰ You may charge interest to foreigners, but you may not charge interest to Israelites, so that the Lord your God may bless you in everything you do in the land you are about to enter and occupy.

²¹ “When you make a vow to the Lord your God, be prompt in fulfilling whatever you promised him. For the Lord your God demands that you promptly fulfill all your vows, or you will be guilty of sin. ²² However, it is not a sin to refrain from making a vow. ²³ But once you have voluntarily made a vow, be careful to fulfill your promise to the Lord your God.

²⁴ “When you enter your neighbor’s vineyard, you may eat your fill of grapes, but you must not carry any away in a basket. ²⁵ And when you enter your neighbor’s field of grain, you may pluck the heads of grain with your hand, but you must not harvest it with a sickle.

24 “Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes a document of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house. ² When she leaves his house, she is free to marry another man. ³ But if the second husband also turns against her, writes a document of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away, or if he dies, ⁴ the first husband may not marry her again, for she has been defiled. That would be detestable to the Lord. You must not bring guilt upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as a special possession.

⁵ “A newly married man must not be drafted into the army or be given any other official responsibilities. He must be free to spend one year at home, bringing happiness to the wife he has married.

⁶ “It is wrong to take a set of millstones, or even just the upper millstone, as security for a loan, for the owner uses it to make a living.

⁷ “If anyone kidnaps a fellow Israelite and treats him as a slave or sells him, the kidnapper must die. In this way, you will purge the evil from among you.

⁸ “In all cases involving serious skin diseases, be careful to follow the instructions of the Levitical priests; obey all the commands I have given them. ⁹ Remember what the Lord your God did to Miriam as you were coming from Egypt.

¹⁰ “If you lend anything to your neighbor, do not enter his house to pick up the item he is giving as security. ¹¹ You must wait outside while he goes in and brings it out to you. ¹² If your neighbor is poor and gives you his cloak as security for a loan, do not keep the cloak overnight. ¹³ Return the cloak to its owner by sunset so he can stay warm through the night and bless you, and the Lord your God will count you as righteous.

¹⁴ “Never take advantage of poor and destitute laborers, whether they are fellow Israelites or foreigners living in your towns. ¹⁵ You must pay them their wages each day before sunset because they are poor and are counting on it. If you don’t, they might cry out to the Lord against you, and it would be counted against you as sin.

¹⁶ “Parents must not be put to death for the sins of their children, nor children for the sins of their parents. Those deserving to die must be put to death for their own crimes.

¹⁷ “True justice must be given to foreigners living among you and to orphans, and you must never accept a widow’s garment as security for her debt. ¹⁸ Always remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the Lord your God redeemed you from your slavery. That is why I have given you this command.

¹⁹ “When you are harvesting your crops and forget to bring in a bundle of grain from your field, don’t go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigners, orphans, and widows. Then the Lord your God will bless you in all you do. ²⁰ When you beat the olives from your olive trees, don’t go over the boughs twice. Leave the remaining olives for the foreigners, orphans, and widows. ²¹ When you gather the grapes in your vineyard, don’t glean the vines after they are picked. Leave the remaining grapes for the foreigners, orphans, and widows. ²² Remember that you were slaves in the land of Egypt. That is why I am giving you this command.

25 “Suppose two people take a dispute to court, and the judges declare that one is right and the other is wrong. ² If the person in the wrong is sentenced to be flogged, the judge must command him to lie down and be beaten in his presence with the number of lashes appropriate to the crime. ³ But never give more than forty lashes; more than forty lashes would publicly humiliate your neighbor.

⁴ “You must not muzzle an ox to keep it from eating as it treads out the grain.

⁵ “If two brothers are living together on the same property and one of them dies without a son, his widow may not be married to anyone from outside the family. Instead, her husband’s brother should marry her and have intercourse with her to fulfill the duties of a brother-in-law. ⁶ The first son she bears to him will be considered the son of the dead brother, so that his name will not be forgotten in Israel.

⁷ “But if the man refuses to marry his brother’s widow, she must go to the town gate and say to the elders assembled there, ‘My husband’s brother refuses to preserve his brother’s name in Israel—he refuses to fulfill the duties of a brother-in-law by marrying me.’ ⁸ The elders of the town will then summon him and talk with him. If he still refuses and says, ‘I don’t want to marry her,’ ⁹ the widow must walk over to him in the presence of the elders, pull his sandal from his foot, and spit in his face. Then she must declare, ‘This is what happens to a man who refuses to provide his brother with children.’ ¹⁰ Ever afterward in Israel his family will be referred to as ‘the family of the man whose sandal was pulled off’!

¹¹ “If two Israelite men get into a fight and the wife of one tries to rescue her husband by grabbing the testicles of the other man, ¹² you must cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

¹³ “You must use accurate scales when you weigh out merchandise, ¹⁴ and you must use full and honest measures. ¹⁵ Yes, always use honest weights and measures, so that you may enjoy a long life in the land the Lord your God is giving you. ¹⁶ All who cheat with dishonest weights and measures are detestable to the Lord your God.

¹⁷ “Never forget what the Amalekites did to you as you came from Egypt. ¹⁸ They attacked you when you were exhausted and weary, and they struck down those who were straggling behind. They had no fear of God. ¹⁹ Therefore, when the Lord your God has given you rest from all your enemies in the land he is giving you as a special possession, you must destroy the Amalekites and erase their memory from under heaven. Never forget this!

Deuteronomy 23-25

Those Excluded from the Assembly

23 “No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

² “No one born of a forbidden union may enter the assembly of the Lord. Even to the tenth generation, none of his descendants may enter the assembly of the Lord.

³ “No Ammonite or Moabite may enter the assembly of the Lord. Even to the tenth generation, none of them may enter the assembly of the Lord forever, ⁴ because they did not meet you with bread and with water on the way, when you came out of Egypt, and because they hired against you Balaam the son of Beor from Pethor of Mesopotamia, to curse you. ⁵ But the Lord your God would not listen to Balaam; instead the Lord your God turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loved you. ⁶ You shall not seek their peace or their prosperity all your days forever.

⁷ “You shall not abhor an Edomite, for he is your brother. You shall not abhor an Egyptian, because you were a sojourner in his land. ⁸ Children born to them in the third generation may enter the assembly of the Lord.

Uncleanness in the Camp

⁹ “When you are encamped against your enemies, then you shall keep yourself from every evil thing.

¹⁰ “If any man among you becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he shall go outside the camp. He shall not come inside the camp, ¹¹ but when evening comes, he shall bathe himself in water, and as the sun sets, he may come inside the camp.

¹² “You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. ¹³ And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. ¹⁴ Because the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give up your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you.

Miscellaneous Laws

¹⁵ “You shall not give up to his master a slave who has escaped from his master to you. ¹⁶ He shall dwell with you, in your midst, in the place that he shall choose within one of your towns, wherever it suits him. You shall not wrong him.

¹⁷ “None of the daughters of Israel shall be a cult prostitute, and none of the sons of Israel shall be a cult prostitute. ¹⁸ You shall not bring the fee of a prostitute or the wages of a dog into the house of the Lord your God in payment for any vow, for both of these are an abomination to the Lord your God.

¹⁹ “You shall not charge interest on loans to your brother, interest on money, interest on food, interest on anything that is lent for interest. ²⁰ You may charge a foreigner interest, but you may not charge your brother interest, that the Lord your God may bless you in all that you undertake in the land that you are entering to take possession of it.

²¹ “If you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay fulfilling it, for the Lord your God will surely require it of you, and you will be guilty of sin. ²² But if you refrain from vowing, you will not be guilty of sin. ²³ You shall be careful to do what has passed your lips, for you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth.

²⁴ “If you go into your neighbor’s vineyard, you may eat your fill of grapes, as many as you wish, but you shall not put any in your bag. ²⁵ If you go into your neighbor’s standing grain, you may pluck the ears with your hand, but you shall not put a sickle to your neighbor’s standing grain.

Laws Concerning Divorce

24 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, ² and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, ³ and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, ⁴ then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.

Miscellaneous Laws

⁵ “When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.

⁶ “No one shall take a mill or an upper millstone in pledge, for that would be taking a life in pledge.

⁷ “If a man is found stealing one of his brothers of the people of Israel, and if he treats him as a slave or sells him, then that thief shall die. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.

⁸ “Take care, in a case of leprous disease, to be very careful to do according to all that the Levitical priests shall direct you. As I commanded them, so you shall be careful to do. ⁹ Remember what the Lord your God did to Miriam on the way as you came out of Egypt.

¹⁰ “When you make your neighbor a loan of any sort, you shall not go into his house to collect his pledge. ¹¹ You shall stand outside, and the man to whom you make the loan shall bring the pledge out to you. ¹² And if he is a poor man, you shall not sleep in his pledge. ¹³ You shall restore to him the pledge as the sun sets, that he may sleep in his cloak and bless you. And it shall be righteousness for you before the Lord your God.

¹⁴ “You shall not oppress a hired worker who is poor and needy, whether he is one of your brothers or one of the sojourners who are in your land within your towns. ¹⁵ You shall give him his wages on the same day, before the sun sets (for he is poor and counts on it), lest he cry against you to the Lord, and you be guilty of sin.

¹⁶ “Fathers shall not be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin.

¹⁷ “You shall not pervert the justice due to the sojourner or to the fatherless, or take a widow’s garment in pledge, ¹⁸ but you shall remember that you were a slave in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there; therefore I command you to do this.

¹⁹ “When you reap your harvest in your field and forget a sheaf in the field, you shall not go back to get it. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. ²⁰ When you beat your olive trees, you shall not go over them again. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow. ²¹ When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, you shall not strip it afterward. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow. ²² You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt; therefore I command you to do this.

25 “If there is a dispute between men and they come into court and the judges decide between them, acquitting the innocent and condemning the guilty, ² then if the guilty man deserves to be beaten, the judge shall cause him to lie down and be beaten in his presence with a number of stripes in proportion to his offense. ³ Forty stripes may be given him, but not more, lest, if one should go on to beat him with more stripes than these, your brother be degraded in your sight.

⁴ “You shall not muzzle an ox when it is treading out the grain.

Laws Concerning Levirate Marriage

⁵ “If brothers dwell together, and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the dead man shall not be married outside the family to a stranger. Her husband’s brother shall go in to her and take her as his wife and perform the duty of a husband’s brother to her. ⁶ And the first son whom she bears shall succeed to the name of his dead brother, that his name may not be blotted out of Israel. ⁷ And if the man does not wish to take his brother’s wife, then his brother’s wife shall go up to the gate to the elders and say, ‘My husband’s brother refuses to perpetuate his brother’s name in Israel; he will not perform the duty of a husband’s brother to me.’ ⁸ Then the elders of his city shall call him and speak to him, and if he persists, saying, ‘I do not wish to take her,’ ⁹ then his brother’s wife shall go up to him in the presence of the elders and pull his sandal off his foot and spit in his face. And she shall answer and say, ‘So shall it be done to the man who does not build up his brother’s house.’ ¹⁰ And the name of his house shall be called in Israel, ‘The house of him who had his sandal pulled off.’

Miscellaneous Laws

¹¹ “When men fight with one another and the wife of the one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, ¹² then you shall cut off her hand. Your eye shall have no pity.

¹³ “You shall not have in your bag two kinds of weights, a large and a small. ¹⁴ You shall not have in your house two kinds of measures, a large and a small. ¹⁵ A full and fair weight you shall have, a full and fair measure you shall have, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. ¹⁶ For all who do such things, all who act dishonestly, are an abomination to the Lord your God.

¹⁷ “Remember what Amalek did to you on the way as you came out of Egypt, ¹⁸ how he attacked you on the way when you were faint and weary, and cut off your tail, those who were lagging behind you, and he did not fear God. ¹⁹ Therefore when the Lord your God has given you rest from all your enemies around you, in the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance to possess, you shall blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven; you shall not forget.

Deuteronomy 23-25

Exclusion From the Assembly

23 No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the Lord.

² No one born of a forbidden marriage nor any of their descendants may enter the assembly of the Lord, not even in the tenth generation.

³ No Ammonite or Moabite or any of their descendants may enter the assembly of the Lord, not even in the tenth generation. ⁴ For they did not come to meet you with bread and water on your way when you came out of Egypt, and they hired Balaam son of Beor from Pethor in Aram Naharaim to pronounce a curse on you. ⁵ However, the Lord your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you. ⁶ Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them as long as you live.

⁷ Do not despise an Edomite, for the Edomites are related to you. Do not despise an Egyptian, because you resided as foreigners in their country. ⁸ The third generation of children born to them may enter the assembly of the Lord.

Uncleanness in the Camp

⁹ When you are encamped against your enemies, keep away from everything impure. ¹⁰ If one of your men is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, he is to go outside the camp and stay there. ¹¹ But as evening approaches he is to wash himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp.

¹² Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. ¹³ As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement. ¹⁴ For the Lord your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.

Miscellaneous Laws

¹⁵ If a slave has taken refuge with you, do not hand them over to their master. ¹⁶ Let them live among you wherever they like and in whatever town they choose. Do not oppress them.

¹⁷ No Israelite man or woman is to become a shrine prostitute. ¹⁸ You must not bring the earnings of a female prostitute or of a male prostitute into the house of the Lord your God to pay any vow, because the Lord your God detests them both.

¹⁹ Do not charge a fellow Israelite interest, whether on money or food or anything else that may earn interest. ²⁰ You may charge a foreigner interest, but not a fellow Israelite, so that the Lord your God may bless you in everything you put your hand to in the land you are entering to possess.

²¹ If you make a vow to the Lord your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the Lord your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. ²² But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty. ²³ Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the Lord your God with your own mouth.

²⁴ If you enter your neighbor’s vineyard, you may eat all the grapes you want, but do not put any in your basket. ²⁵ If you enter your neighbor’s grainfield, you may pick kernels with your hands, but you must not put a sickle to their standing grain.

24 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, ² and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, ³ and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, ⁴ then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.

⁵ If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

⁶ Do not take a pair of millstones—not even the upper one—as security for a debt, because that would be taking a person’s livelihood as security.

⁷ If someone is caught kidnapping a fellow Israelite and treating or selling them as a slave, the kidnapper must die. You must purge the evil from among you.

⁸ In cases of defiling skin diseases, be very careful to do exactly as the Levitical priests instruct you. You must follow carefully what I have commanded them. ⁹ Remember what the Lord your God did to Miriam along the way after you came out of Egypt.

¹⁰ When you make a loan of any kind to your neighbor, do not go into their house to get what is offered to you as a pledge. ¹¹ Stay outside and let the neighbor to whom you are making the loan bring the pledge out to you. ¹² If the neighbor is poor, do not go to sleep with their pledge in your possession. ¹³ Return their cloak by sunset so that your neighbor may sleep in it. Then they will thank you, and it will be regarded as a righteous act in the sight of the Lord your God.

¹⁴ Do not take advantage of a hired worker who is poor and needy, whether that worker is a fellow Israelite or a foreigner residing in one of your towns. ¹⁵ Pay them their wages each day before sunset, because they are poor and are counting on it. Otherwise they may cry to the Lord against you, and you will be guilty of sin.

¹⁶ Parents are not to be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their parents; each will die for their own sin.

¹⁷ Do not deprive the foreigner or the fatherless of justice, or take the cloak of the widow as a pledge. ¹⁸ Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there. That is why I command you to do this.

¹⁹ When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. ²⁰ When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. ²¹ When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. ²² Remember that you were slaves in Egypt. That is why I command you to do this.

25 When people have a dispute, they are to take it to court and the judges will decide the case, acquitting the innocent and condemning the guilty. ² If the guilty person deserves to be beaten, the judge shall make them lie down and have them flogged in his presence with the number of lashes the crime deserves, ³ but the judge must not impose more than forty lashes. If the guilty party is flogged more than that, your fellow Israelite will be degraded in your eyes.

⁴ Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain.

⁵ If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. ⁶ The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel.

⁷ However, if a man does not want to marry his brother’s wife, she shall go to the elders at the town gate and say, “My husband’s brother refuses to carry on his brother’s name in Israel. He will not fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to me.” ⁸ Then the elders of his town shall summon him and talk to him. If he persists in saying, “I do not want to marry her,” ⁹ his brother’s widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, “This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother’s family line.” ¹⁰ That man’s line shall be known in Israel as The Family of the Unsandaled.

¹¹ If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, ¹² you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

¹³ Do not have two differing weights in your bag—one heavy, one light. ¹⁴ Do not have two differing measures in your house—one large, one small. ¹⁵ You must have accurate and honest weights and measures, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. ¹⁶ For the Lord your God detests anyone who does these things, anyone who deals dishonestly.

¹⁷ Remember what the Amalekites did to you along the way when you came out of Egypt. ¹⁸ When you were weary and worn out, they met you on your journey and attacked all who were lagging behind; they had no fear of God. ¹⁹ When the Lord your God gives you rest from all the enemies around you in the land he is giving you to possess as an inheritance, you shall blot out the name of Amalek from under heaven. Do not forget!

Joshua 12-15

12 Now these are the kings of the land, which the children of Israel smote, and possessed their land on the other side Jordan toward the rising of the sun, from the river Arnon unto mount Hermon, and all the plain on the east:

² Sihon king of the Amorites, who dwelt in Heshbon, and ruled from Aroer, which is upon the bank of the river Arnon, and from the middle of the river, and from half Gilead, even unto the river Jabbok, which is the border of the children of Ammon;

³ And from the plain to the sea of Chinneroth on the east, and unto the sea of the plain, even the salt sea on the east, the way to Bethjeshimoth; and from the south, under Ashdothpisgah:

⁴ And the coast of Og king of Bashan, which was of the remnant of the giants, that dwelt at Ashtaroth and at Edrei,

⁵ And reigned in mount Hermon, and in Salcah, and in all Bashan, unto the border of the Geshurites and the Maachathites, and half Gilead, the border of Sihon king of Heshbon.

⁶ Them did Moses the servant of the Lord and the children of Israel smite: and Moses the servant of the Lord gave it for a possession unto the Reubenites, and the Gadites, and the half tribe of Manasseh.

⁷ And these are the kings of the country which Joshua and the children of Israel smote on this side Jordan on the west, from Baalgad in the valley of Lebanon even unto the mount Halak, that goeth up to Seir; which Joshua gave unto the tribes of Israel for a possession according to their divisions;

⁸ In the mountains, and in the valleys, and in the plains, and in the springs, and in the wilderness, and in the south country; the Hittites, the Amorites, and the Canaanites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites:

⁹ The king of Jericho, one; the king of Ai, which is beside Bethel, one;

¹⁰ The king of Jerusalem, one; the king of Hebron, one;

¹¹ The king of Jarmuth, one; the king of Lachish, one;

¹² The king of Eglon, one; the king of Gezer, one;

¹³ The king of Debir, one; the king of Geder, one;

¹⁴ The king of Hormah, one; the king of Arad, one;

¹⁵ The king of Libnah, one; the king of Adullam, one;

¹⁶ The king of Makkedah, one; the king of Bethel, one;

¹⁷ The king of Tappuah, one; the king of Hepher, one;

¹⁸ The king of Aphek, one; the king of Lasharon, one;

¹⁹ The king of Madon, one; the king of Hazor, one;

²⁰ The king of Shimronmeron, one; the king of Achshaph, one;

²¹ The king of Taanach, one; the king of Megiddo, one;

²² The king of Kedesh, one; the king of Jokneam of Carmel, one;

²³ The king of Dor in the coast of Dor, one; the king of the nations of Gilgal, one;

²⁴ The king of Tirzah, one: all the kings thirty and one.

13 Now Joshua was old and stricken in years; and the Lord said unto him, Thou art old and stricken in years, and there remaineth yet very much land to be possessed.

² This is the land that yet remaineth: all the borders of the Philistines, and all Geshuri,

³ From Sihor, which is before Egypt, even unto the borders of Ekron northward, which is counted to the Canaanite: five lords of the Philistines; the Gazathites, and the Ashdothites, the Eshkalonites, the Gittites, and the Ekronites; also the Avites:

⁴ From the south, all the land of the Canaanites, and Mearah that is beside the Sidonians unto Aphek, to the borders of the Amorites:

⁵ And the land of the Giblites, and all Lebanon, toward the sunrising, from Baalgad under mount Hermon unto the entering into Hamath.

⁶ All the inhabitants of the hill country from Lebanon unto Misrephothmaim, and all the Sidonians, them will I drive out from before the children of Israel: only divide thou it by lot unto the Israelites for an inheritance, as I have commanded thee.

⁷ Now therefore divide this land for an inheritance unto the nine tribes, and the half tribe of Manasseh,

⁸ With whom the Reubenites and the Gadites have received their inheritance, which Moses gave them, beyond Jordan eastward, even as Moses the servant of the Lord gave them;

⁹ From Aroer, that is upon the bank of the river Arnon, and the city that is in the midst of the river, and all the plain of Medeba unto Dibon;

¹⁰ And all the cities of Sihon king of the Amorites, which reigned in Heshbon, unto the border of the children of Ammon;

¹¹ And Gilead, and the border of the Geshurites and Maachathites, and all mount Hermon, and all Bashan unto Salcah;

¹² All the kingdom of Og in Bashan, which reigned in Ashtaroth and in Edrei, who remained of the remnant of the giants: for these did Moses smite, and cast them out.

¹³ Nevertheless the children of Israel expelled not the Geshurites, nor the Maachathites: but the Geshurites and the Maachathites dwell among the Israelites until this day.

¹⁴ Only unto the tribes of Levi he gave none inheritance; the sacrifices of the Lord God of Israel made by fire are their inheritance, as he said unto them.

¹⁵ And Moses gave unto the tribe of the children of Reuben inheritance according to their families.

¹⁶ And their coast was from Aroer, that is on the bank of the river Arnon, and the city that is in the midst of the river, and all the plain by Medeba;

¹⁷ Heshbon, and all her cities that are in the plain; Dibon, and Bamothbaal, and Bethbaalmeon,

¹⁸ And Jahaza, and Kedemoth, and Mephaath,

¹⁹ And Kirjathaim, and Sibmah, and Zarethshahar in the mount of the valley,

²⁰ And Bethpeor, and Ashdothpisgah, and Bethjeshimoth,

²¹ And all the cities of the plain, and all the kingdom of Sihon king of the Amorites, which reigned in Heshbon, whom Moses smote with the princes of Midian, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, which were dukes of Sihon, dwelling in the country.

²² Balaam also the son of Beor, the soothsayer, did the children of Israel slay with the sword among them that were slain by them.

²³ And the border of the children of Reuben was Jordan, and the border thereof. This was the inheritance of the children of Reuben after their families, the cities and the villages thereof.

²⁴ And Moses gave inheritance unto the tribe of Gad, even unto the children of Gad according to their families.

²⁵ And their coast was Jazer, and all the cities of Gilead, and half the land of the children of Ammon, unto Aroer that is before Rabbah;

²⁶ And from Heshbon unto Ramathmizpeh, and Betonim; and from Mahanaim unto the border of Debir;

²⁷ And in the valley, Betharam, and Bethnimrah, and Succoth, and Zaphon, the rest of the kingdom of Sihon king of Heshbon, Jordan and his border, even unto the edge of the sea of Chinnereth on the other side Jordan eastward.

²⁸ This is the inheritance of the children of Gad after their families, the cities, and their villages.

²⁹ And Moses gave inheritance unto the half tribe of Manasseh: and this was the possession of the half tribe of the children of Manasseh by their families.

³⁰ And their coast was from Mahanaim, all Bashan, all the kingdom of Og king of Bashan, and all the towns of Jair, which are in Bashan, threescore cities:

³¹ And half Gilead, and Ashtaroth, and Edrei, cities of the kingdom of Og in Bashan, were pertaining unto the children of Machir the son of Manasseh, even to the one half of the children of Machir by their families.

³² These are the countries which Moses did distribute for inheritance in the plains of Moab, on the other side Jordan, by Jericho, eastward.

³³ But unto the tribe of Levi Moses gave not any inheritance: the Lord God of Israel was their inheritance, as he said unto them.

14 And these are the countries which the children of Israel inherited in the land of Canaan, which Eleazar the priest, and Joshua the son of Nun, and the heads of the fathers of the tribes of the children of Israel, distributed for inheritance to them.

² By lot was their inheritance, as the Lord commanded by the hand of Moses, for the nine tribes, and for the half tribe.

³ For Moses had given the inheritance of two tribes and an half tribe on the other side Jordan: but unto the Levites he gave none inheritance among them.

⁴ For the children of Joseph were two tribes, Manasseh and Ephraim: therefore they gave no part unto the Levites in the land, save cities to dwell in, with their suburbs for their cattle and for their substance.

⁵ As the Lord commanded Moses, so the children of Israel did, and they divided the land.

⁶ Then the children of Judah came unto Joshua in Gilgal: and Caleb the son of Jephunneh the Kenezite said unto him, Thou knowest the thing that the Lord said unto Moses the man of God concerning me and thee in Kadeshbarnea.

⁷ Forty years old was I when Moses the servant of the Lord sent me from Kadeshbarnea to espy out the land; and I brought him word again as it was in mine heart.

⁸ Nevertheless my brethren that went up with me made the heart of the people melt: but I wholly followed the Lord my God.

⁹ And Moses sware on that day, saying, Surely the land whereon thy feet have trodden shall be thine inheritance, and thy children’s for ever, because thou hast wholly followed the Lord my God.

¹⁰ And now, behold, the Lord hath kept me alive, as he said, these forty and five years, even since the Lord spake this word unto Moses, while the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness: and now, lo, I am this day fourscore and five years old.

¹¹ As yet I am as strong this day as I was in the day that Moses sent me: as my strength was then, even so is my strength now, for war, both to go out, and to come in.

¹² Now therefore give me this mountain, whereof the Lord spake in that day; for thou heardest in that day how the Anakims were there, and that the cities were great and fenced: if so be the Lord will be with me, then I shall be able to drive them out, as the Lord said.

¹³ And Joshua blessed him, and gave unto Caleb the son of Jephunneh Hebron for an inheritance.

¹⁴ Hebron therefore became the inheritance of Caleb the son of Jephunneh the Kenezite unto this day, because that he wholly followed the Lord God of Israel.

¹⁵ And the name of Hebron before was Kirjatharba; which Arba was a great man among the Anakims. And the land had rest from war.

15 This then was the lot of the tribe of the children of Judah by their families; even to the border of Edom the wilderness of Zin southward was the uttermost part of the south coast.

² And their south border was from the shore of the salt sea, from the bay that looketh southward:

³ And it went out to the south side to Maalehacrabbim, and passed along to Zin, and ascended up on the south side unto Kadeshbarnea, and passed along to Hezron, and went up to Adar, and fetched a compass to Karkaa:

⁴ From thence it passed toward Azmon, and went out unto the river of Egypt; and the goings out of that coast were at the sea: this shall be your south coast.

⁵ And the east border was the salt sea, even unto the end of Jordan. And their border in the north quarter was from the bay of the sea at the uttermost part of Jordan:

⁶ And the border went up to Bethhogla, and passed along by the north of Betharabah; and the border went up to the stone of Bohan the son of Reuben:

⁷ And the border went up toward Debir from the valley of Achor, and so northward, looking toward Gilgal, that is before the going up to Adummim, which is on the south side of the river: and the border passed toward the waters of Enshemesh, and the goings out thereof were at Enrogel:

⁸ And the border went up by the valley of the son of Hinnom unto the south side of the Jebusite; the same is Jerusalem: and the border went up to the top of the mountain that lieth before the valley of Hinnom westward, which is at the end of the valley of the giants northward:

⁹ And the border was drawn from the top of the hill unto the fountain of the water of Nephtoah, and went out to the cities of mount Ephron; and the border was drawn to Baalah, which is Kirjathjearim:

¹⁰ And the border compassed from Baalah westward unto mount Seir, and passed along unto the side of mount Jearim, which is Chesalon, on the north side, and went down to Bethshemesh, and passed on to Timnah:

¹¹ And the border went out unto the side of Ekron northward: and the border was drawn to Shicron, and passed along to mount Baalah, and went out unto Jabneel; and the goings out of the border were at the sea.

¹² And the west border was to the great sea, and the coast thereof. This is the coast of the children of Judah round about according to their families.

¹³ And unto Caleb the son of Jephunneh he gave a part among the children of Judah, according to the commandment of the Lord to Joshua, even the city of Arba the father of Anak, which city is Hebron.

¹⁴ And Caleb drove thence the three sons of Anak, Sheshai, and Ahiman, and Talmai, the children of Anak.

¹⁵ And he went up thence to the inhabitants of Debir: and the name of Debir before was Kirjathsepher.

¹⁶ And Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife.

¹⁷ And Othniel the son of Kenaz, the brother of Caleb, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife.

¹⁸ And it came to pass, as she came unto him, that she moved him to ask of her father a field: and she lighted off her ass; and Caleb said unto her, What wouldest thou?

¹⁹ Who answered, Give me a blessing; for thou hast given me a south land; give me also springs of water. And he gave her the upper springs, and the nether springs.

²⁰ This is the inheritance of the tribe of the children of Judah according to their families.

²¹ And the uttermost cities of the tribe of the children of Judah toward the coast of Edom southward were Kabzeel, and Eder, and Jagur,

²² And Kinah, and Dimonah, and Adadah,

²³ And Kedesh, and Hazor, and Ithnan,

²⁴ Ziph, and Telem, and Bealoth,

²⁵ And Hazor, Hadattah, and Kerioth, and Hezron, which is Hazor,

²⁶ Amam, and Shema, and Moladah,

²⁷ And Hazargaddah, and Heshmon, and Bethpalet,

²⁸ And Hazarshual, and Beersheba, and Bizjothjah,

²⁹ Baalah, and Iim, and Azem,

³⁰ And Eltolad, and Chesil, and Hormah,

³¹ And Ziklag, and Madmannah, and Sansannah,

³² And Lebaoth, and Shilhim, and Ain, and Rimmon: all the cities are twenty and nine, with their villages:

³³ And in the valley, Eshtaol, and Zoreah, and Ashnah,

³⁴ And Zanoah, and Engannim, Tappuah, and Enam,

³⁵ Jarmuth, and Adullam, Socoh, and Azekah,

³⁶ And Sharaim, and Adithaim, and Gederah, and Gederothaim; fourteen cities with their villages:

³⁷ Zenan, and Hadashah, and Migdalgad,

³⁸ And Dilean, and Mizpeh, and Joktheel,

³⁹ Lachish, and Bozkath, and Eglon,

⁴⁰ And Cabbon, and Lahmam, and Kithlish,

⁴¹ And Gederoth, Bethdagon, and Naamah, and Makkedah; sixteen cities with their villages:

⁴² Libnah, and Ether, and Ashan,

⁴³ And Jiphtah, and Ashnah, and Nezib,

⁴⁴ And Keilah, and Achzib, and Mareshah; nine cities with their villages:

⁴⁵ Ekron, with her towns and her villages:

⁴⁶ From Ekron even unto the sea, all that lay near Ashdod, with their villages:

⁴⁷ Ashdod with her towns and her villages, Gaza with her towns and her villages, unto the river of Egypt, and the great sea, and the border thereof:

⁴⁸ And in the mountains, Shamir, and Jattir, and Socoh,

⁴⁹ And Dannah, and Kirjathsannah, which is Debir,

⁵⁰ And Anab, and Eshtemoh, and Anim,

⁵¹ And Goshen, and Holon, and Giloh; eleven cities with their villages:

⁵² Arab, and Dumah, and Eshean,

⁵³ And Janum, and Bethtappuah, and Aphekah,

⁵⁴ And Humtah, and Kirjatharba, which is Hebron, and Zior; nine cities with their villages:

⁵⁵ Maon, Carmel, and Ziph, and Juttah,

⁵⁶ And Jezreel, and Jokdeam, and Zanoah,

⁵⁷ Cain, Gibeah, and Timnah; ten cities with their villages:

⁵⁸ Halhul, Bethzur, and Gedor,

⁵⁹ And Maarath, and Bethanoth, and Eltekon; six cities with their villages:

⁶⁰ Kirjathbaal, which is Kirjathjearim, and Rabbah; two cities with their villages:

⁶¹ In the wilderness, Betharabah, Middin, and Secacah,

⁶² And Nibshan, and the city of Salt, and Engedi; six cities with their villages.

⁶³ As for the Jebusites the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the children of Judah could not drive them out; but the Jebusites dwell with the children of Judah at Jerusalem unto this day.